Sinister: Brand new, with no measurable improvements

[Rachel Harvey]

It feels strange to be so nervous about posting to a list that I have been 
reading for four months now. My palms are slick, my heart is beating faster 
and my tongue feels at least four times its normal size (what this has to do 
with anxiety I don't know).  I was told about sinister by an attractive 
young gentleman at my new workplace (in my new town of residence) who was 
attempting to make a point to me about obsessive fans.  Little did he know 
that I would become a compulsive reader and new member myself within a few 
short weeks.  I can see him sitting across the office from me now, looking 
significantly less attractive since I have learned what wonders lay within 
the object of his disparaging comments.

A little about me:
My name is Rachel
I am 5ft7inches tall
I have brown hair, it is long.
I am 27 yrs old
I live in Boston

I hope you are forming a lovely and completely unjustified picture in your 
heads.

It is also very strange to be writing this when in the pathetic mood I find 
myself in today (but why not, this job is too boring to bear one more minute 
of uninterrupted).  My recent jaunt across country was prompted by that most 
glorious of emotions, love. Many weeks ago now, I packed up my belongings 
and set out on what I was sure would be the most worthwhile journey of my 
young life and arrived in this new city breathless with anticipation of the 
fun and adventures to come. However, now that I find myself here, within 
spitting distance of that wonderful awe-inspiring object of my long distance 
affections for so many months I am suddenly unsure of what it was I was 
feeling in the first place. I feel completely bewildered by this sudden 
unexpected stagnation of my feelings towards the boy.  We are having many 
good times still, and outwardly nothing has changed, but the little voice 
inside my head chanting 'this isn't enough' simply will not be silenced.   
How could this be, when we were apart I was head over heels and now I just 
don't know?

Wow, that has been fermenting inside for far too long.  Simply 
electronically recording these feelings has lifted the load - thank you, you 
wise and wonderful people for providing a place to let that out.

On a brighter note - I am very excited to be seeing B&S for the first time 
very very soon!!!!

First time love to everyone
Rachel




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