Sinister: A Conspiracy Theory

[sgazzetti]

Caitlin Pigtails recently wrote about conspiracy
theories:
>>>If two things 
look like coincidence, it's because they're related. 
If two things 
look similar, they must be the same.  You go from
there.  Coincidences 
are the times when you didn't spot half what's going
on>>>

Hmmm. Could it be a coincidence that she brings up
conspiracy theories just as I have come up with the
biggest frighteningest conspiracy theory ever? 

There has been a spate of discussion on the list
lately about the twin cults of ‘personality’
surrounding Ken Chu and Laura Llew. And although these
phenomena are sinister (pun obviously intended, but I
mean it in the real meaning of the word), I have
detected a whiff of something far more diabolical than
a mere skinny self-deprecating girl-fancying bloke
riding on trains and hoping to pull while distributing
self-aggrandizing badges, or a literary Dot Parker
type gathering a fawning Sinister coterie of Algonquin
Round Table stand-ins; no, this goes far deeper than
mere self-absorption and brainwashing on an individual
level. I have come up with a theory that explains why
these two have captured so much common imagination,
and I will advance this hypothesis in all CAPS just in
case some people READING this are not really paying
ATTENTION/are still in bed: CHU AND LLEW ARE THE SAME
PERSON!

I could here trot out an immense trove of evidence in
support of this theory by culling the archives and
taking things out of context, but I think that on some
subconscious level you all know I am right. I mean,
first and foremost, THE NAMES RHYME. Is this a
coincidence? This is a rhetorical question. 

Rather than living in North Carolina, USA, or the
south of England, this one, single, monomaniacal being
probably has his/her/its headquarters in a
hollowed-out volcano guarded by Guns ‘N’ Roses
roadies, and a propaganda staff of mind-numbed sneaky
scurrilous southern get slaves slaving away beneath
productivity-enhancing mottoes stenciled on the walls,
like “You know a girl who’s tax free on her back and
making plenty cash” or “You will be working in the
morning and I won’t be there to see you go off your
head”. This single-minded attempt to hijack our
affection and primal need to worship some ‘deity’
should be abhorred on all levels, and in fact some
international judicial body should step in to break up
this cult monopoly, not unlike the Microsoft case
currently under consideration. But resistance to the
tentacles of the Chu-Llew axis must first come at the
grassroots level. Burn your Ken Chu badges on the fire
of history today! Tear your Laura Llew poems from your
tear-stained diaries!

Save yourselves--
JDS


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