Sinister: I have'nae got a scooby - Part 3

[Robert Brennan]

Stevie stood poised, guitar in hand.  His nerves kept
in check by a fresh intake of Stevie Snacks.  Beansie
and Sarah were stood on a chair above the effects
pedals which had been connected in a line between the
guitar and amp.  Sarah explained her ingenious plan.

"As soon as the ghost comes into the room we jump on
the pedals while Stevie plays the intro to Legal Man. 
I've calculated the reverb should be the right
frequency to shatter the rotten timbers in the door
frame and bring the whole lot crashing down on Neil's
- I mean the ghost's - head.  If we're lucky it'll be
a load-bearing wall with a concrete lintel"

"Couldn't we just jump him?  I mean there's three of
us..."

"Shut up Stevie - I'm the brainy one in this joke. 
Here he comes - play Stevie!"

"WoooOOOOoooOOOOoO!!!" howled the ghost as he slowly
opened the door.  Sarah and Beansie jumped on the
pedals as Stevie played a cracking lick.  Everyone
stuck their fingers in their ears as the amp let loose
a terrific reverb that echoed round the room for at
least a minute.

As the nose died down, the ghost stood in the doorway
looking confused.  Sarah looked in horror at the amp.

"Shite!  We played too quiet again!  Quick Stevie."

Stevie swung the guitar and connected soundly with the
undead spirit's surprisingly solid head.

"Tie him up before he comes to.  Then we can find out
who this 'ghost' *really* is."

"Tenner says it's Neil," said Beansie "It's always the
first person you see in an episode.  And there wasn't
anyone else in the motel."

"Stevie J!  Where are ye!"  cried a voice.  It was
Struan.  "Thank god you guys are here.  I've lost
Bel!"

"Look no further," said Sarah, pulling away the
ghost's sheet.

"Bel!"  Everyone gasped.  

"Thought she sounded a bit too asthmatic to be Neil"
said Beansie.

"But why?"  said Stuart.  

"It was my idea," sighed Isobel.  "Neil was in on it
too - we decided the band had run out of steam and it
was time for a change.  But first we had to scare the
rest of you off."

"That's what the glasses were for!"  Sarah exclaimed. 
"You were going to form a new emo Belle and
Sebastian!"

Isobel's eyes grew wilder  "That's just what I told
Neil but really my plan was to form ....  A
Proclaimers tribute band!"  

The rest of the band gasped in horror.  "You're
insane!"  cried Struan.

"And I would've got away with if is wasn't for you
bloody kids and your dumb guitarist!"

"I can actually talk..."

"Never mind," interrupted Struan.  "The police have
been called."

"All's well that ends Bel!" said Beansie.  No-one else
laughed.

                ***********************

So that's it.  Isobel was taken away for psychiatric
treatment and by the time the band got to Boston she
was back to her usual bored self.

Um.... that's all.

Sorry to have bored you.

Robster

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