Sinister: A two dollar whore who once commanded five & other tales from a family reunion

[Laura Llew]

"The transatlantic crossing was so rough that the only thing I could keep on 
my stomach was the first mate." -- Dorothy Parker

Even when a man with arms of sex are a feature of my travels, that Poet 
Parker always outdoes me. The Bitch. Of course, it's no thanks to the list 
that I actually did get to see Belle and Sebastian in New York on Sunday. 
The one answer I had to my plea about what to do if my ticket hadn't come in 
the mail was a conversation which went like this:

Dave: You could crash the gate! Distract them and sneak in!
Me: I'm not lifting up my shirt.
Dave: You could just yell, 'Look, a Llew comet!'
Me: Well, I'm definitely not lifting my shirt while saying that.

It looked hopeless. I looked desperate. (Ok, so some things never change.) 
However, thanks to Dashing Damo's superfly scramblings, Brian DeWinters 
Manderleyan organizational skills and Laurel's expressing the pony I was 
able to finally get the ticket in my grubby happy little hands in time for 
the show. I know I'm delayed in writing back but I am a Southerner - we're 
supposed to be slow. So without further adieu:

A Night At The Hammerstein Ballroom
By Laura Llew
With Help From Senor Snicket

Even after liking Belle and Sebastian for five years, there are many things 
I do not understand. I do not understand how a priest can have a 
photographic memory for all that he had HEARD rather than seen. I do not 
understand why the line in Photo Jenny can't really be "Get that bitch a 
bench" instead of "fish and chips." I do not understand why the band refuses 
to play my bedroom even if it is too cramped for all of them leaving me with 
just Stu, Stevie, and Mick Cooke while the others occupy themselves with 
lint and pieces of string in the hall. It has good lighting and attractive 
decor. What is their problem? I do not understand why some people attend a 
show when it appears they would prefer to be chatting with a friend, 
preparing a proposal for the bassist of the Aislers Set or persistently 
digging their elbow into my ribs; and I do not understand why I should be 
expected to applaud for a bunch of hideous backup singers & musicians just 
because they can shake a tambourine while wearing fantastically gaudy 
clothes better than I can.

And now there is something else I do not understand. I do not understand how 
I could travel some distance and spend a fair amount of money to see Belle 
and Sebastian only to realize three minutes into the show that with the 
exception of Stevie Jackson being replaced by Tiny Tim, my mom calling me to 
tell me she's decided for a career change and is becoming a porn star, or 
discovering I was closely related to any of the backup singer/muscians -  I 
didn't care *what* happened for the next couple of hours I would love it all 
regardless. When Stuart asked the crowd if she should play Staying Alive 
because it had such a huge potential to be really bad I found myself wanting 
more than anything to hear the song. It's either a sign of devotion or a 
sign of a psychotropic drug prescription just waiting to be written. Either 
way, I was happy.

I was up at the very front with no one in front of me so that I could feel 
every drop of sweat which Struan shook loose. Of course, that would have 
been if I weren't over too far from the center and in front of Isobel 
instead to feel every drop of glitter shake off from the back of her long 
top which said "United Plaster Casters of America" on the back. Her bum was 
looking very proportional to the rest of her body too bad her personality 
didn't. I kind of liked her aloofness and the way she would occasionally 
lean over and whisper something to someone else as she giggled. I also liked 
the way she would randomly get up and wander off the stage as if in a 
trance. I wish she had done it more often.

Thanks to the flashers during the song The Model we now have the answer to 
Stuart's question in Rollercoaster Ride of, "If you were to remove your 
clothes do you think the singer would notice?"

Forever yours
(or until I get bored and cast you aside like the other llewsers),

Laura
'meeting all of your Laura Llew needs since 1977'

PS - I just took this quiz at http://www.herheartache.org/test/kirsten.html 
to discover that I'm Lux Lisbon. No wonder I've been so tired - having sex 
with all these boys on my roof and I hadn't even noticed. Oy!
PPS - I don't know what "licky love" is but I don't think I want to 
experience it.



_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com

+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+