Sinister: Greg & Laura's Snappy Rebel Questionnaire With A Fresh Lemony Snicket Scent

[Laura Llew]

Second to only, "Young lady, do you know how fast you were going?", my least 
favorite way to have a conversation begin is to hear, "Do you know what your 
problem is?"

After twenty four years of inhabiting my life I know perfectly well what my 
problems are: none of my crushes have ever turned out like the one in 
Amelie; chocolate neither clears my complexion, enhances my intelligence, or 
blesses me with flawless health; and even though turn signals are supposedly 
installed in every car - people still mistake their presence as merely 
ornamental or to distract their obnoxious offspring from killing each other 
by turning on the pretty flashing lights. Surprisingly enough, these are 
never the points brought up. No, instead I hear things about being 
"responsible" or "more obedient" or "not publicly admitting a fascination 
with leatherclad midgets on ponies."

Thus, when Pigtails sent along the second sinister questionnaire for list 
members to fill out and return to be compiled for secretive nefarious 
reasons such as being a list for the NME mailing list I was all set to mend 
my ways and follow along as I should.

Sackcloth?
Check!
Ashes?
Check!
Broken Heart & Contrite Spirit?
How about just a broken spirit?
Close enough!

However, shortly after I began to fill out the questionnaire my mind began 
to wander. (One of my other supposed "problems" is being a "Ritalin 
prescription waiting to be written.") I really did try but thirty questions 
overwhelmed me. Being a southerner, I was always taught that if things 
aren't the way you like them you simply stand tall, put your chin in the 
air, dress up in gray, secede from the Union, and go fight the bloodiest war 
in your country's history. I'm a bit too lazy for anything but the chin part 
so instead I simply made a new questionnaire with the help of the Notorious 
B.O.Y. G.

Respond personally to me or Greg (gpallis at eidosnet.co.uk) rather than the 
list. We'll compile them into something Fun! Exciting! and involving 
Sparkling Jell-O and Pixie Sticks!

Presenting in all it's (old) glory:
The Greg & Laura's Snappy Rebel Questionnaire With A Fresh Lemony Scent

1. Your name (as it appears on your credit cards with accompanying numbers 
and expiration dates.):

2. Names Which Have Nicked: Shameful, embarrassing, llewd, smutty, or 
interesting nicknames?

3. What Belle & Sebastian lyric most describes you?
[Laura's: "too frumpy for the teenage population of her time"
Greg's sidenote: Do remember that it's the one that describes you MOST, not 
entirely, so you can put "A girl" if you can't think of a better one. If all 
else fails use my motto in life and quote fosca lyrics. No one will know the 
difference.  "Still you're prejudiced against people who loathe football/ Or 
refuse flat-out to sport sideburns, they'd simply DIE"]

4. Your first kiss can be best described as:
A. Not ducking quickly enough.
B. More miss than kiss. More teeth than mouth. More tongue than Kiss.  More 
drool than Lassie. More traumatic than Mentos commercials.
C. Still happening -- though I wish they'd move their head a bit to the 
right so I could see the screen better.
D. Other. Explain:

5.  Describe your life and your favorite novel in the same sentence. i.e. - 
"It doesn't make much sense, but neither does Fennigan's Wake." (Matthew 
Henderson)

6.  What is your favorite movie while relating it to an aspect of your 
personality or taste. i.e. - I like my men like I like my Die Hard movies -- 
all special effects and no plot.

OPTIONAL (because we would really like to read the answers)
7. "Write ONE SIDE of a dialogue which leads to and includes you getting 
jiggy with your favorite band. Even if you don't fancy them.
Example:
Hey Tim! Great show!
I'm Greg.
Uh-huh...
<laughs>
This IS a bit forward.
No, no, let me think.
Alright. Yes.
(Later)
Um, right.
No, me neither. This is kinda weird.
Also, awkward.
So...

8. With frequent reference to the Basic Eight OR Lemony Snicket, analyze why 
you are filling in this survey instead out of hanging out with attractive 
and popular people.

9. Yesterday was mother's day (in the US). Did you send Honey & Linda a card 
for being the best list mummy and step list mummy? If not, are you prepared 
to burn in hell for your thoughtlessness and general lack or regard for 
greatness when it's looming over you? If so, will you let me stand behind 
you to block the heat - I sweat easily and it's simply unbecoming.

_________________________________________________________________
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