Sinister: ... good bye.....

[Stefano S.]

Dear sinister
     sometime sit gets just too hard to cope with 'the art of living'.
is there be something that can be taught? something which is worth
learning? something thatt I can learn. or that I will learn. I feel
I'll never learn it. I'll never cope with tha. just kind of not
belonging to, despite your wish, despite your trials. for long time 
sinister has been nearly my only joy. I still love all you sinister and 
i wished you would have known, even if i'm not the good one to say those
 
kind of things.messages made me cry, mad me smile, or wondering what 
the hell are they saying.  this was just my favorite company on train 
journey from home to the bench. and I'm on a different bench now.  
      this morning I when I woke up, it was 5, the night was spent on 
the wood floor in someone else's houses. i could not get into my room 
any more.i could not share my room any more. i stay there. i was half a 
drunk, staying on the cold wood and feeling even colder i could not 
sleep but watch the dark blue of the night trough the window ceiling. 
everything is decided. everything is fixed now. there is no other 
choice. there is only one choice.  looking over for the blue to pail 
gently, until about 3. the sleepiness came over to bring a small rest, 
welcome and unwelcome. 
   then went off the room. down the corridors i walked alone as 
usually. out in the street the air was brilliant in the very trembling 
morning light and beautiful, and my eyes can't stand wide open when i 
start crying. that's what i wished o badly in the last two days. that's
what i wished til the morning of the the sunday before, but just i was 
dried and no tears came out of my eyes. this can make me happy. i can 
still feel something outside the coldness and the greyness, but they are
always there.
     the sun shined just to dry them when i jumped in the hammersmith
 tube station a nd then on the train. it shined just that i was blinded,
but there is no point is seen anything today. there is no point of 
seeing anything after last night. and after a whole lifetime in which
nothing that can be said worth is ever happened. I wished to cry 
longer but just i couldn't and the train went all the way down to 
whitechappel and then i walk down to my bench and there were no car on 
the street, no people in the marked only me and other passer and the 
trees and the green of the leaves and the colors fro flowers and that 
is just a street of london but nothing special, and i wished the time 
could have stopped at that time. frozen in. but the time goes and goes 
and does not care of our wishes. of my faint wishes. but there is no 
reason to wish anything today. the day the decision is taken. is taken. 
will i go all the way trough? will I? am I J. A prufrock? and i'll 
drown.   today is lovely a lovely day to say good bye. I'm sorry I 
just can't say thank you. i wish you all the best, take care of 
yourselves, stefano
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 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
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