Sinister: Pondering alone....

[Kenneth P Y Chu]

I've been having a lot of thoughts lately, mostly about things and my life 
and how nothing ever seems to work out.  I've come to the conclusion that 
the reason why nothing good ever happens to me is that I never believe I'm 
the kind of person that good things happen to.

When good things do happen to me, I'd feel that I'm on borrowed time, that 
something DRASTICALLY BAD was about to make everything wrong again, and 
subsequently I'd be too busy preparing for the bliss to end, practicing ways 
to take defeat gracefully that I end up feeling miserable even when things 
aren't going right.  Even worse, I'd even throw it all away - thinking I 
don't deserve it, that people will frown on me that I'm having something 
that I don't deserve, and so I give up.

There is a funny episode in the Sci-fi comedy Red Dwarf, called "Better than 
Life" - it's about this new virtual reality game in which anything that 
you've always desired will happen - but this guy Rimmer (who's a Smeghead) 
ended up having all the bad things happening to him because he can't get his 
head to think that anything good can happen to him.  It was funny on TV - 
not so funny in real life.

But I think it's time I take off my reality helmet and face the real world - 
I'm getting my life sorted, I'm going to stop being in a muddle and start 
believing that good things do and will happen to me - I'll have to start 
from scratch, since I'm in a bit of a rock bottom at the moment on all 
fronts.  But it's looking up already - it's the weekend :)

Cheers and Red Bulls
Ken
P.S.: One good thing that I'm sure will one day happen to me is that B&S are 
going to reveal the answers to the various Treasure Hunt clues - we just 
don't know when!!

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