Sinister: Do you remember the first time?

[paul hardman]

Ok so i'll include a B&S story in this post even though I come out not 
looking very good at all.
The first time I ever heard them was on the eve of my mates wedding.  We had 
already been and done Amsterdam for the weekend and seeing as though we're 
supposed to be modern men went out for a 'quiet one' so my mate wouldn't be 
wrecked on his big day.  Down to the local boozer in Stockton Heath 
(Warrington) and a good night had by all, piled down to my mates with a few 
lads for a nightcap and at about 1.00am I called my (then) girlfriend to say 
i'd be around to see her.  Popped around and was instantly given a tablet, 
well it would have been rude not to, her mate was there and we had a 
mini-music night (tell you about a proper one another time).  Anyhoo just as 
I was peaking her mate put on modern rock song (still my fave although The 
model's close) and yes, that voice etc...this was now my band.  Another pill 
at 6.00am (I was still in control of course!) everything going swimmingly 
well, got to 11.00am my girlfriend went to bed and I was sat with her mate 
on the couch thinking, "By God, i'm going to the first one at the church, no 
one would ever believe it".  Then of course it all went wrong.  Quite badly 
although it could have been worse.  Just before I should have left the house 
i thought i'd go and say bye to Michelle who was asleep.  Well I couldn't 
leave without giving the cutie pie a kiss and cuddle could I but you 
obviously know what happened as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Because I wasn't at home no one could get hold of me, luckily someone got 
hold of Michelle's mobile number and woke me at, at, at, at, freaking 4.00pm 
Saturday afternoon (good job it wasn't the match).  Drove straight away to 
pick up my suit (missed the wedding of course but had to show my face) the 
dry cleaners was shut I couldn't believe it! Phoned them from across the 
road and strangely a worker was still in there ironing his shirt for the 
night (gave him a hefty tip for saving my life...Don't close at Four on 
Saturday's again).  Down to the reception amazed looks off my mates (who all 
thought I was dead) the only thing was that I couldn't be seen to be having 
fun because of my lateness.  When I remembered hearing modern rock song 
halfway through the night it really cheered me up and some say that it 
wasn't me who made the biggest mistake of the day (Two people joined at the 
hip for eternity for Christ's sake!).
On a completely unrelated note i wrote a world cup preview for our works 
magazine (who wouldn't print it as they deemed it offensive) on word, if 
anyone want's one give us a bell, so to speak & i'll send it.  Had to write 
it mainly for people who don't like football (virtually everyone in here, 
even most lads! this is Amsterdam though)  I couldn't pass on the chance to 
take the piss out of 32 countries although by mentioning Scotland and 
Australia I made it 34.  If you get even one laugh then it would have been 
worth it, tis gratis after all.  I'm off out tonight to try and recapture 
the form I had first time I heard B&S which you now know.  Glad I don't have 
to go anywhere tomorrow.
Rock on.
'H'.



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