Sinister: ....daisy chain...

[Stefano [Steady-State]]

dear sinister
... first question: do you believe in fate?
..beginning biginning is going to tell me this is gong to run a  bit of 
physophical before focusing on the spot. which would in turn mean
more confused. just a bit more confused than usual.
.believers belivers would say that the man is who, or what?, he build 
himself out his own exsistence. which is rather a honest and tough 
position. one can go on arguing that any single choice one made is 
going to point to a certain direction and even if today you're going to 
have rive or pasta or fish&chips at lunch there is nothing 'written in 
the stars', but it is all you existence built by day by day and hour by 
hour and stupid choice after stupid choice to led you choosing what to 
have for lunch. one can even chose not to have lunch so that there is no
decision to take at all. which have its own bizarre, but very own, 
sense.  but when someone, obviously some kind of boring bureocrate, 
decide that for any reason you also have to go had join the army... 
and you'll be kicked in the middle of the alps with your gun
 machine marching up and down the hills just for the fun of that. 
just start wondering if was worth studing for five years at 
the university  and then get a ph.d. and even to 
what have found a regular position. was it just another wrong choise 
like combining the wrong gloves and shoes?  
what one can do? would have i chose differently? was there any chance 
to act differently and if so would have been made the things better? 
would I just go and say 'i don't know' or 'yes sir'.
well apparently in couple of weeks all i can realize is that all 
the choices i've made in the what
has been my former life had let me do feel like a kind of empty 
nutshell, and this one can do but open the nutshell and confirm it
was actually empty. i must just admit i have colleceted an infinite 
number of mistake that is far too difficoult to discover the right 
things i would have done. covered in the noise. 
and in the end all i've worked for in a numberof years and, not 
too much far away is apparently disappearing like 
snowflakes under the first sunbeams... 
just a couple of weaks ago that  
would have shout and blame everything could have been blamed but i've 
lost the strenght to blame anything. well if have to march up the 
mountains let's do. and going to be kicked of science, for that, well
let's accept that. there is ever the same question if is worth be alive 
just to be alive.
but i've been in Brighton must be happy for that and to apply rather 
nasty shumacheresque techniques on the oval ring...  i was happy for a 
while... 

take care , yours
Stefano
 

Here's a prediction:
when you have stories to tell,
you'll tell them.
                    D.G.
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