Sinister: Fashion victims?

[Caitlin Pigtails]

Seeing as Archel, in her post today, has been speculating wildly about 
Belle and Sebastian's exotic kinky underwear, I thought I would post 
this.  Press Delete Now, People.

It must be hard to be Isobel Campbell.  I mean, if you're Isobel 
Campbell, you have a reputation to maintain.  Values to uphold.  You 
have to remain infamously twee - which isn't too hard; you just write 
lots of lyrics about little cuddly fluffy bunny rabbits and squirrels 
and beavers all having a cuddly animals' tea party in Kelvingrove Park 
- but you have maintain that slight sexiness, too.  "Hmmmm," Isobel 
must think to herself, "how can I keep up my twee reputation, but still 
look so sexy that lonely teenage indie-boys will still keep sending me 
their jism-soaked stuffed toys?"

Have you guessed what she does yet?  Yes, that's right.  She pulls on a 
pair of patterned tights.  "Aha!" Miss Campbell says, "now all those 
poor indie-kids won't be able to take their eyes off my legs!  And, of 
course, I *have* to wear a short skirt so I can spread my legs nice and 
wide.  Um, to get them round my cello, of course.  All eyes will be on 
*me* whenever I'm on stage.   Stuart will be sorry I'm not in his 
rubbish little band any more.  Bwhahahahahahaha! Ahem."

Patterned tights seem to have become awfully popular lately, for some 
reason.  You can't go in a clothes shop without seeing stripy tights, 
stripy knee-socks, fishnet tights, lacy tights, and all sorts of 
complex designs.  Buying an ordinary plain packet of tights has 
suddenly become terribly difficult, unless you buy the cheap ones from 
the newsagent which will probably stain your legs when it rains.  
Presumably, people just don't want plain tights any more; which is why, 
of course, that's still what most people are wearing.

I have to admit, I do own one pair of patterned tights, with stripes in 
black, purple and red.  I can't actually remember why I bought them, or 
where or when.  Either I was in some sort of trance at the time - 
hypnotised by the pure stripyness of the hosiery section, no doubt - or 
they materialised in my sock drawer like Mr Benn's shopkeeper.  I only 
wear them when I'm cold, because they are nice and thick.

You can't *have* that many patterns of tights, anyway.  Little printed 
patterns, possibly.  Horizontal stripes, although they can look a bit 
goth.  Vertical stripes just wouldn't work.  There's not much choice 
there, is there?  Lacy tights presumably have the same problem as 
fishnets: they can make the soles of your feet rather sore.  I've never 
understood why boys find fishnets sexy; but my form tutor always wore 
them, and she was an extremely unsexy person.  I think my geography 
teacher must have liked them, though, because they were having a 
"secret" affair which all of the 2000 people in the school knew about.

Maybe I just don't understand the point of patterned tights.  I'll have 
to write a letter to Isobel.



xxxxx (times 100),
caitlin

--
http://www.joannou.net/topofthestairs/

"When life gives us lemons, we just sit there and sulk about it, in the
  corner of the room, in a fetal position."
         - Matthew Henderson, on the Sinister mailing list.
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