Sinister: Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba BABY! Love is stronger than THUNDER!

[Miss Marianna Longmire]

Drums.

Did I ever tell you when, growing up on a farm, our creek would often
overflow during a torrential downpour and my brother, sister and I used to
go DIY white-water rafting down it on pool floaties? No? Oh. It was
dangerous. And so, SO much fun.

So, despite the occasional hankering for the warm delights of home, living
in Blighty is a continual stream of joy due to the almost continual stream
of nature's love juice and the fun you can have with it. There are, of
course, the usual delights associated with rain - splashing in puddles,
standing still with your head tilted back, mouth open drinking fresh
rainwater, staying in and snuggling. but personally, the BEST thing about
rain, is the way it inspires pop artists and more importantly, pop video
directors.

Of course, I'm not talking about those clichéd video clip shots of an artist
looking all melancholy out a window whilst the rain beats down outside,
beating in a way that reminds them of the time their heart beat that fast,
mocking the "my heart's been attacked by a cheese grater, then dipped in
molasses and fed to the horses by, sigh, THE ONE" pain that they feel now.
Isn't it sad? Doesn't she look pretty singing her song, despite being the
hollow shell of the girl she was before. Isn't she /such/ a tortured artist
therefore making her inane lyrics seem mildly profound? Incidentally, are
artists actually tortured or indeed starving these days? All the ones I come
into contact with who are STRUGGLING ARTISTS (copy write) still manage to
pay £800/month rent for a room on Old St. I like them. Rather, I like making
amusing comments about their hair cuts under my breath as we air kiss.

NO! I'm talking about sexy rain. The kind of rain in film clips that
provides teenage boys with one handed pleasure after viewing (Sabrina's
Boys, Boys, Boys - oh, but she's in a pool. But it's water [which comes from
the sky - gosh!] so close enough.) The kind of rain that makes young girls
want to BE in the film clips with the singers. Case in point, Ash's
"Goldfinger". Mark Hamilton vigorously makes out with a girl whilst the rain
is, raining, all over them. It's totally lustastic and makes me giddy with
delight. As does Take That's "Relight My Fire" where, for the first time
ever I briefly toyed with the idea of moving my allegiance from Mark over to
Jason Orange. Simply 'cos he was getting' all wet with a girl in the shower.
He looked good. Which was as surprising as it was sexy. That is, a little.

I wish Belle and Sebastian would make film clips in the rain. WET T-SHIRTS,
yo!

Lyrically, rain has inspired some of the greats to pen a ditty or four. Can
you say, "It's Raining Men"; "The Raining King and Queen"; "Here comes the
RAINdeer section - Anthem of a sodden youth" and; "I'm gonna come down like
a thunderbolt on yo' ass, showering you with slammin disses while you talk
to muh HAND soggy boy!"
My own personal favourite is, of course, Milli Vanilli's "Blame it on the
Rain". Their follow up single "Don't forget my number" is pretty great too.
I remember that well from earlier this evening when I watched it on my Smash
Hits Party 89 video tape. There's a plot and everything! Rob (or Fab) is a
playa and gets the number of a hottie. He then goes home and tries to call
her, but as he does, Fab (or Rob) walks in and the note (with number) flies
out the window. Cue a mad and often hilarious romp around London IN THE RAIN
to find the digits. Oh, and they're sporting Lycra bike pants, thumbing
their noses and have choreographed dance/jumping about like loons moves.

Aren't they great? I like my men the way I like my Milli Vanilli: stylish,
crazy dancing buffoons whose words belong to someone else.
Gosh. In fact. Realisation. I like myself the way I like my Milli Vanilli
too.

Making out in the rain and not caring that it's ruining her coiffure,

Miss Marianna Longmire xXx


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