Sinister: I can see my heart beating as one (OR perth, picnic, vancouver action)

[Helen]

Hello

I thought that now, what with all the talk of the Antipodes, was a good time
to post again and get in on the action before it becomes passe. I also take
this opportunity to claim the Australian capital of Sinister for Perth, and
remark that for a place so small and isolated we have done fairly well, even
exporting our kind to various other parts, where they do strange things with
rain, and have jobs with certain bands (although, when there’s rain I
personally like to enact the seminal scene from ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ and
pretend to be Gene Kelly.)

*** BRIEF PUBLIC ANNOUCEMENT***

Speaking of exports, I shall soon be joining the ranks and armed only with
the knowledge of Canada that comes from episodes of Degrassi (Junior)
HIIIIIIIGH I shall be making my way to VANCOUVER for some months soonish.
Yes Kids, if you live in VANCOUVER or know anything about it, or even have
visited it in your dreams, you can contact me and tell me about it. I reward
nice people by buying them alcohol.

Things to do before I go:
* watch more episodes of Degrassi so I am down with the lingo
* practice calling pieces of currency comical names
* Go to a PERTH PICNIC.

That’s right picnickers – its all on in Perth. The plan so far is to have it
on the 30th of November, so that should be plenty of time for you all to
re-organise your busy social calendars (even though I KNOW that nearly half
of you are unemployed). It can be a farewell before the population of Perth
sinister once again becomes decimated, cause you know, its Perth, all the
hipsters leave – It’s THE LAW.*

New people are always welcome (and I know that you exist because a girl in
my class told me about YOU). Details are sketchy but we thought we could go
to Kings Park, mainly because Terry only has to walk down the road and he’s
a lazy sod. We may organise food and tremendously over-cater like last time,
so best to email me. Although if you bring alcohol to share no one will mind
if you don’t bring any food.

*****RAMBLE*****

I have spent a lot of time recently photocopying pages and pages of a record
of my heartbeat. I’m not quite sure what I shall do with them, but perhaps I
will wallpaper my room. At any case I am surely keeping it for posterity.
You see, I had to have some tests on my ticker and the doctor said ‘here’s
the monitor for 24 hours, do what you normally do’. So I decided that
normally on this night (few months ago) I would have gone to see the
Lucksmiths who were playing, so I took the monitor along as it was easily
concealable – although I did fool some people into thinking I was
bootlegging when I flashed it around. That’s because it looked like a tape
deck, because that’s all the high tech machinery I DID have on me. They
were, in fact, recording my heart beat for medical purposes onto a cassette.
I shot a quizzical look at the nurse when she produced it and hooked me up.

Apparently medical science hasn’t kept up with the massive developments in
recording technology as well as the music industry.

Anyhow, now I have a record of my heart at a Lucksmith’s gig. Its great. I
wish I kept a better record of the night though, (like: ‘8.10 The Luckie’s
told joke about flying in and how their arms were tired’) but I am pretty
sure I can see the way my heart fluttered when Marty walked past and I
poured over it today and noted ‘oooh, that must have been when they played
Frisbee’. Except they didn’t play Frisbee, I remember that now, because I
remember being annoyed.

Speaking of ‘What Bird is that’ I had a copy of this out the other day
checking out the birds. Here, however, I am talking about the book, not the
album, and birds of the feathered kind which have nested in our tree. The
little one’s have hatched now, you can just see their heads. I plan on
making myself wings and joining in on their flying lessons. But the best
thing is watching their mother attack everything that comes close, and these
tiny birds take on the big magpies with tremendous courage. Go team!

Segueing like a maniac,
Helen

* When I say this is THE LAW I mean it. I got an odd phone call at first in
the middle of the night, tipping me off, and sure enough I got my first
hipster caution the other day. The incredibly hipster policeman (cause if
you can’t beat them
) told me that this town wasn’t hip enough for the both
of us. Apparently they had a tip off. So I packed my bags to hot tail it out
of here. Although I did wonder if they had made some mistake. It turns out
that they had, and I got a very apologetic phone call from a hipster
secretary, who expressed ‘deep regret’ at their mistake, and informed me
that happily they had re-checked their sources and found I only met two of
the ten hip criterion, so I was allowed to stay. But hell, I had already
booked my ticket


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