Sinister: He's so unhip it's a wonder his bum doesn't fall off

[Michael Ashbridge]

On my inability to remain conscious during bus journeys -- some problems and 
digressions:

I hate it, hate falling asleep on buses. When I wake up, always at the same 
point in the journey, I feel like a tramp. All these people around me, genetic 
freaks all of them, somehow able to resist the gentle rocking motion and 
soporific rumble of the engine, they've been staring at me, watching my head 
bounce arrthymically against the window, waiting for me to come awake with a 
start right on cue just as we pass St Mark's church, realise where I am, and 
quickly check to make sure I haven't been drooling anywhere embarrassing. Like 
onto the shoulder of the man who rather rashly assumed that sitting down next 
to me whilst I was fast asleep could bring him neither harm nor oddly placed 
stains.  

That only happened once, several years ago, and is the reason I now ensure that 
I sit on the starboard seats of the bus, allowing my head to fall onto its 
preferred side.  

Which is odd. Most men, when asked by a tailor (most men will never be asked 
this by any tailor, but we all fantasize that we may, one day, be in a position 
to be asked) will tell him that they dress to the right. Another of nature's 
little asymmetries. I wonder if this is also true of men's heads in the context 
of sleeping on buses. I could find out simply by turning around and observing, 
but, as I've said, I have a problem staying awake on buses.  

Meanwhile, much talk (and evidence) of people who can't/don't use paragraphs in 
their posts. 

Of interest: Next month the university here is giving an internal let's-see-
what-everyone-else-is-researching conference, in which postgrads from various 
faculties give pop-talks to show what they're doing with all their grant money. 
I myself am not participating, what with my thesis being a million years late 
already, but I know a nice chap from informatics who is presenting a joint 
paper with an also-nice girl from psychology on the ways in which various types 
of people present their written prose online, and how those are received and 
interpreted. Not groundbreaking, perhaps, but nonetheless topical. If I'd known 
at the time, I would have submitted Sinister as a case study.

Here is a quote from the abstract: "[...] and we present [experimental] 
evidence to confirm the popular opinion that long, unbroken, poorly structured 
blocks of prose are indicative of narcissistic personality-types, concluding 
that while all other types of prose style are appreciated and/or preferred by 
different types of reader, the block style is [considered readable] only by the 
author." 

You don't even want to see what they have to say about the rest of us. One of 
the interesting parts is a computer program they developed that, they claim, 
can analyse a piece of (formatted) text and make a fairly accurate stab at the 
author's psychological make-up. I'll provide a link once the paper is published 
online. Flame on. 

As I travel home I shall ponder what the program might say about my own style, 
for about five minutes, before I let my head knock against the window and 
vaguely hope that I don't miss my stop. 

- M.  
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