Sinister: finding new ways of doing better than my worst

[rrrrobyn]

oh, sinister...
 
le sigh. there are shelves and shelves and shelves of books on
technology in the library. biotechnology. computer technology.
history of technology. it's like having a category for, like, life -
everything eventually just falls into it. well, it all will one day.
mwah ha. ha. anyway, several of these books are now staring their
spines at me from across the room, stacked up in the way daunting
things tend to be. earlier i felt that i'd accomplished something
today simply by finding these books and bringing them home, but then
realized that i'd actually have to *read* these books. both an
exciting and sigh-inducing prospect.

my roommates are watching that ya-ya sisterhood movie (fuck the whole
title, yo, knives, etc.). i am having nothing to do with that. i used
to enjoy a good schlock-fest, but now, and i fully blame school for
this, when i watch bad hollywood romantic-drama-comedies (dramadies,
i've heard them called, but this reminds me of dromedaries. and then
i've got, like, pictures of sandra bullock and hugh grant on a small
camel in my head (in my head!) and that just ain't right. (and
seriously, i'm both relieved and horrified that some genius finally
put those two together in a movie. the queen and king of romantic
comedy! you'll excuse me while i leave the theatre during the
trailer.)) right, so when i watch such movies now, well, it's awful.
i didn't even enjoy 'sweet home alabama' a while back - it was
tortuous (yet i stayed? robyn shakes her head). this all calls into
question my ability to enjoy any mainstream hollywood schlock! it
used to be my out! my sunday matinee unwinding, my brain-numbing 90
minute vacation from life. yet now it only serves to take me further
in! when i only want out of my brain for a while. 

related to all this is that i saw 'punch drunk love' last week. and
the people ('critics') who are calling this film a romantic comedy
clearly have no understanding of definitions of terms. we all *know*
what 'romantic comedy' means (see bullock/grant ref above), and,
while clearly playing on this term, 'punch drunk love' is not a
'romantic comendy', not even in the most self-reflexive of senses. in
fact, i love it for its lack of self-reflexiveness, how it actually
goes beyond 'subverting expectations' to making the viewer (okay, me)
nervous and overwhelmed b/c there are no expectations to subvert even
though i really wanted them, were i to have them, to be subverted.
subvert! please! but noooo, i just sat there with my eyes wide and my
heart kickin' it, saying 'what?! how?!' it freaked me out. but, yes,
of course, in a good way. freaky freaky movie.

if i were to make movies they would probably be like that. horror
movies that no one realizes are horror movies until after they're
over. it's, like, the horrodramady. get ready 21st century - a new
kind of horror has hit the block and it's got hilarious
miscommunication and heart-felt kissing in it! 

er. also, i made some really good applesauce the other day (the
secret is: cloves). i think it calmed me down. and also alleviated
the food-wasting guilt that was coming on every time i opened the
fridge to see those neglected apples i'd bought oh so long ago.

aw, crap, you didn't really need to know about the applesauce, did
you? i got my student loan though, so i'm going out this week to
stock my empty cupboards. but i'm sure i'll buy apples again,
thinking that they're cheap and good for you, and then this cycle of
guilt will replay itself. ah ha, but not if i make applesauce right
away! i *can* solve my own problems, after all...

i'm so glad sinister exists. and i'm not just saying that b/c there's
a christmas present in it for me. :) i'm saying that b/c maybe i'm
thinking too much. about thinking. about things. y'think? 
hrm and nrr and other sounds.
robyn

=====
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ~Steven Wright
~~~
Robyn Fadden    rfadden at yahoo.com    Montreal, QC

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