Sinister: Songs for idiots (final round + head to head)

[Kenneth P Y Chu]

(Previously, on Belle and Sebastian on the Weakest link...)

<Anne> Voting over, it's time to reveal who YOU think is the WEAKEST LINK!

<Orchestra> DUM DUM DUM DUM... DUM DUM

<Stuart> Isobel
<Bob> Stuart
<Isobel> Stuart

<Orchestra> DUM!

<Anne> Bob!
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Think you have a better chance of winning against Isobel then do you?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Can you say any words other than Belfast?
<Bob> No
<Anne> Okay.. Isobel!
<Isobel> Hehe yes Anne.
<Anne> Why Stuart?
<Isobel> Ah, he just doesn't move in circles of the brave where art defines 
their lives, and besides, he once made my headscarf all sticky and REALLY 
SMELLY!  it was like eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
<Anne> Well Stuart, they think you smell and they don't want you sticking 
around anymore, and with two votes you ARE the weakest link goodbye!

* Stuart does the walk of shame, a dog on wheel in tow.

(..Inside interview room)
<Stuart> Well well!  Voting me off huh, trying to piss me off huh, WELL 
LISTEN HONEY THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN SAY TO OFFEND ME!  THERE IS NOTHING 
YOU CAN SAY TO OFFEND ME ANYMORE, HAHAHAHAHAHA.  So there.

<Stuart> By the way.. anyone want to buy my car?

(..Back to studio)

<Anne> And onto the final round, team.  So far you've banked £350, in this 
round anything that you bank will be trebbled and added to the final total, 
I'm taking another 10 seconds off the clock and I'll start with the 
strongest link from the last round and that's Bob.  Let's PLAY.. 
THEWEAKESTLINK!

<Orchestra> DUM DUM DUM DUM...

<Anne> Start the clock

<Orchestra> DUM DUM!

<Anne> Bob, The Royal Hospitals is located in which city in Northern 
Ireland?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Correct, Isobel, in sports name the Manchester United and England 
player, Nicky who?
<Anne> Butt!
<Anne> Correct, Bob, Which famous city was James Galway born?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Correct, Isobel, the Lunar Calender is based on the movements of 
which celestial body?
<Isobel> Moon!
<Anne> Correct, Bob, What is the county town of the County Antrim in 
Northern Ireland?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Correct!  Isobel, The timezone difference between New York and London 
is 5 hours, but is New York 5 hours in front, or 5 hours behind?
<Isobel> Behind!
<Anne> Correct, Bob, Which city is Kenneth Branagh from?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Correct!  Isobel, the main mirror on a car, typically mounted just in 
front of the windscreen is known as the what-view mirror?
<Isobel> Rear!
<Anne> Correct!  Bob, which pride is the oldest continuously-celebrated 
Pride in Ireland?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Correct!  Isobel, idioms, someone who is pregnant can be described as 
having a what in the oven?
<Isobel> Bun!
<Anne> Correct!

<Orchestra> DUM... DUM... DUM DUM!

<Anne> Team you have managed to reach the £1000 target for this round, we'll 
trebble that and add that to the money from the previous rounds, making 
today's prize money a grand total of £3350.

<Anne> You will now play against each other. I'll ask the two of you up to 
five alternate questions.  The person who answers the most questions 
correctly wins. The strongest link from the previous round has the choice of 
who goes first, and that's you Bob.

<Bob> I'll go first please Anne.

<Anne> Okay, let's PLAY.. HEAD TO HEAD!

<Orchestra> DUM... DUM... DUM DUM!


<Anne> Bob...
<Anne> What is the atomic number of Uranium?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> No, the correct answer is 92.

<Anne> Isobel, in literature, the novel "Across the Barricades" by Joan 
Lingard was set in what city?
<Isobel> er.. cape town!
<Anne> No, the correct answer is Belfast.

<Anne> Bob, what is the longest word that can be typed using only the top 
row of letter keys on a typewriter?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> No the correct answer is "Typewriter".

<Anne> Isobel, Which city lies where the river Lagan meets the Belfast 
Lough?
<Isobel> Oslo?
<Anne> No the correct answer is Belfast.

<Anne> Bob, what is the mean radius of Earth to the nearest kilometre?
<Bob> er... Belfast!
<Anne> No, the correct answer is 6371km

<Anne> Isobel, In football, the legendary Manchester United player George 
Best came from what city?
<Isobel> Georgia!
<Anne> No, the correct answer is Belfast.

<Anne> Bob, name all 5 of the Marx Brothers
<Bob> Let me think... Belfast, Belfast, Belfast, Belfast and ... Belfast!
<Anne> No the correct answer is Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo and Zeppo.

<Anne> Isobel, famous landmarks, the Scottish Provident Institution is 
situated in what city?
<Isobel> Glasgow!
<Anne> No, the correct answer is Belfast.

<Anne> Bob, who became England's first world motor racing champion, in 1958?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> No, the correct answer is Mike Hawthorn.

<Anne> Isobel, if you answer this question correctly, then you have won.
<Anne> So, for three thousand, three hundred and fifty pounds: The letters 
B, E, L, F, A, S, T can be combined together to form the name of which city 
in Northern Ireland?
<Isobel> er.. B...
<Isobel> Beeeelll....
<Isobel> Beell...
* Isobel catches breath
<Isobel> Beeell..fas....
* Isobel catches breath
<Isobel> Be..
* Isobel catches breath
<Isobel> Belfast!

<Anne> That is the correct answer.

<Orchestra> Dolodododododo dolododododo DUM DUM DUM DUM!

<Anne> Isobel, you are today's strongest link and you walk away with £3350, 
Bob, you leave, with NOTHING!

<Anne> Join us again... for the weakest link, Goodbye!

* Anne does a horrible wink thing


(..Inside interview room)

<Bob> Of course I'm feeling a bit gutted I've come all this way to lose out 
on the final round.  I feel that maybe if I had chosen the other set of 
questions I could have won it.

<Isobel> I'm so happy to have won!  And I totally deserved it, being the 
strongest link in everything and all.  I'm going to use the prize money to 
buy loads of Kinder Eggs so I can take them all to concerts and then I can 
shake them on stage whilst looking really grumpy!  Maybe I can get a new 
washing machine too so I can finally wash my headscarves!  Yippie!

<Bob> Anne Robinson was so intimidating, I'm beginning to wonder if she has 
any relation to Neil Robertson..  Robinson.. Robertson... Hey!  You know I 
think I might be onto something here...

<Orchestra> DUM DUM DUM DUM!

---
(The end)

Ken

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