Sinister: A Disaster, A Picnic, and a Broken Bus

[robin stout]

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN SPLIT UP, WELL SORT OF...

Yesterday I had a disaster. I was standing in the tea point with a tea bag 
in one hand and rinsing my Belle and Sebastian mug under the tap with the 
other, when the mug became strangely slippery and flew out of my hand, 
smashing into a million pieces on the floor. I stood there for a while, 
looking glumly at my teabag, as the tinkling of the china pieces echoed and 
trickled away. The most depressing thing was that the only thing that could 
possibly have consoled me at that point was a nice, warm cuppa, and that was 
the one thing that I couldn’t possibly have. People were kind, though, and 
offered me their own mugs as I walked glum faced down the corridor, but it 
just wouldn’t have been the same. Each triangle of china had lodged 
somewhere in my heart.

REPORTING BACK

Last Saturday, myself and Annie had a Sinister Picnic in Cardiff. It was 
great. Annie, you were perfect company. The picnic went strangely according 
to plan, ending up with us eating a sandwich on a bench at Roath Park, 
overlooking the boating lake. We visited an awful lot of places and spent a 
lot of time talking about YOU and THEM. In the evening we went to a disco, 
and danced to le pastie de la bourgeoisie. I was exhausted. There’s too much 
to tell from Saturday, really, so instead I’m going to tell you a little 
story about what happened at the bus stop on Sunday morning...

The hairy muscled driver of the 8A had to arc round a parked car as it 
approached the bus stop. This may have been the reason why he forgot to 
squeeze the brake and ended up crashing into our bus shelter. We were 
unscratched and the bus shelter was as green and shiny as usual, but the bus 
had a huge hole in it. I was quite surprised at the damaged inflicted on 
this brontosaurus of public transport by a tiny little shelter, but, looking 
at the edges of the rather astonishing hole that was left behind, it seemed 
that the bus was only made out of some sort of fibreglass. I began to 
suspect that it might not even be a real bus.

I was the first to get on.

"That must have scratched the paintwork," said the driver.

"Scratched the paintwork?! There’s a BLUDDY GREAT HOLE IN YOUR BUS!"

"Oh dear,” he said, after taking a look. "The boss won’t be too pleased 
about that." Then just drove away as if nothing had happened.

Sitting at the back, Annie and I travelled past the old Gaiety Cinema. This 
is a beautiful old building with grand white turrets outside the front, but 
had been abandoned in recent years, the council preferring to let the 
Panjabi Hit Squad and the Pay As U Go Cartel wallpaper the outside, rather 
than give it a proper lick of paint. However, the talk of the town, or to be 
more accurate, the talk of my kitchen recently has been that a mysterious, 
shadowy individual has bought the old Gaiety and has been slowly restoring 
it to its former glory. No one could work out what it was going to be. A 
cinema? A nightclub? A knocking shop? And then, only last week, I found out. 
TEN PIN BOWLING! HURRAH! I can’t wait! I’ve been buffing my balls already, 
in sweaty expectation.

BUT DID THE SPANNER HAVE TO BE THAT LONG??

Thank you Miss Honey for fixing the Archives. I didn’t believe you when you 
turned up in the middle of the night with your "very special tool", but it 
seems to have done the trick.

AND, OVER ON ITV...

I was trying to bite my lip, but...

The Dirty Vicar:

<< It will be cool, much cooler than anything
this list has done in my time on it.>>

A little below the belt, maybe, but I think the last part of that sentence 
may have a point. It’s been ages since we really did something massive. But 
also, we have picnics so often they aren’t much of an event any more.

Annie and I couldn’t understand why there’s so much hostility between Bowlie 
and here. Lots of us are in both places anyway. Obviously there are certain 
historical reasons for some of us not liking Bowlie, and certain 
personalities we wish to avoid, but you know, I don’t think it’s a big deal 
for most of us. For me, I just stick around here cos I like to write in 
proper paragraphs, and sentences, but that’s no reason to steal Bowlie’s 
pencil case while they’re at PE.

DV also said:

<< Smash Imperialism>>

Yeah, but hands off my new mug, alright?

Robin x





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