Sinister: You're my luv S.C.U.D.

[Miss Marianna Longmire]

Okay, so I am like, THE NICEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. I'm so considerate of
other people's well being that I don't hesitate to step in and save a little
old lady from being mugged and throw a couple of punches when the assailant
starts on me. All hail the Glam Avenger! Single-handedly cleaning up the
streets of Hackney. Ahem.

I'm so considerate of not offending people, that when I succumb to my guilty
pleasure of watching teen movies and I go to a big fuck-off sized cinema to
watch "Slap her, She's French" and they assign seats, I sit in my assigned
seat. And I stay put. Even when the ticketing office decides to make someone
else sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME when there's like, 600 other seats available. No,
I stay put as I don't want to appear rude or have them thinking they smell
or something. Even though they did. A little.

I'm so considerate of not upsetting my "We're so in love" flatmates, that
when they start HEAVY PETTING WITH THE DOOR OPEN and their moans begin to
echo around the apartment, I don't complain, I simply plug in my headphones
and listen to eighties metal.

God, I need to be more selfish.

So, lately I've been succumbing to geekdom again. It's an on/off love affair
that started in primary school when I was the only girl to join the boys'
dungeons and dragons club. It lasted two weeks before an overzealous
religious parent put a stop to it for devil worshipping purposes. I know, I
was confused as well. The point is (was there a point? I'm going for the
whole 'post full of digressions and not making much sense' look myself). The
point is, after pouting and refusing to play my dreamcast for a few weeks
due to major Gum hatred issues, I came back, switched characters and nailed
THREE LEVELS in like, five minutes. How much do I rock? Answers on a
postcard c/- The Middlesex Hospital Occupational Therapy Department,
Mortimer St, London. Presents, love letters and strippergrams are also
encouraged.

I'll never be an indie purist.

I just don't understand it. Justin 'I used to have hair like Leo Sayer'
Timberlake is my new pop hero. Now, don't get me wrong here, after the
demise of Take That I swore I could never love a boy band again. And,
despite occasional dalliances with the Backstreet Boys, I haven't. N*Sync
would often amuse me as they managed to become the first ever U.G.L.Y. boy
band to succeed in the industry, but their music rarely took me. But hand me
some candle wax and call me Mrs Hardwick if Little Michael hasn't completely
won me over with his hip pop fabulous solo debut. Honestly, it's four
minutes of pure heaven. And the part where he says "Drums!" and the drums
come in is divine. It's not terrifically original, but the hook and falsetto
notes are fab and it's done with such enthusiasm it should be commended.

"You talk to Marianna when you want to know about porn or the Powerpuff
Girls." I also know far too much trivia about Press Gang, Bis and the health
of Dido's father if you're interested.

Speaking of Bis, I was given a cartoon mocking my beloved the other week.
Caption reading: Bis Headquarters, 1999. "Hey guys! Maybe instead of
rocking, we should suck!" Which is funny, given that I had the pleasure of
watching "The Powerpuff Girls - THE MOVIE" last week  with Miss Liz Daplyn
and Mr Rob Brennan and the end theme tune (written by Bis, natch) which,
ordinarily, is a pogo-tastic bubblegum rock ditty, totally SIX FINGERS OF
RAWKED OUT! It totally ruled my world. As did the film, which included an
opposable thumbs joke that was worth the admission alone.

I love Bis. I love the fact that they're electropop and yet completely
ignored by the electro poseurs du jour. They're totally hip and completely
ostracised and don't give a damn. They're my heroes. So you can understand
the sacrifice I made when I skipped their London gig to attend a farewell
soiree for Mr Ben Apps who has fled the country in search of wedded bliss
with the cutie Miss Rachel Fruitloop. Bless their little cotton socks.

Had enough? I have. Next time, amusement and eloquence. Promise.

xXx Miss Marianna Longmire.







+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+