Sinister: That was the longest weekend on record

[Gardiner, Stuart]

Sinister is five years old now, which can only mean one thing - tomorrow
will be the list's first day at school. The uniform has been bought, the
packed lunch is being made. Will mummy shed a few tears after dropping us
off at the school gates? What will our teacher be like? I hope we don't get
bullied...


So we have another sinister marriage. Congrats to Colin and Amy. I've never
met them, but it's certainly put a smile on my face this morning. That
message probably scored a few hundred milisinisters.


It's the new way of measuring postings, you see. In this modern scientific
age, everything has to be measured and quantified. For example:

Beauty is, as we all know, measured in milihelens. Helen of Troy was the
face that launched a thousand ships, so one milihelen is the amount of
beauty required to launch one ship.

Computer software used to be measured in milihotmails - a program that
breaks down one thousandth as often as hotmail. These days of course, people
have realized that that is far too large a unit of measurement, so people
prefer the microhotmail.

Music quality is measured in repeats. This is the number of times you play a
song / album before it leves your CD player (divided by the number of other
CDs in a multiplayer machine, where applicable). (More observant readers
will have noticed that I am using the old imperial measurement here. The
metric equivalent is the milicocker, where a one milicocker song is one
thousandth as good as Common People by Pulp. The metric system does have the
advantage of being able to give negative scores to Nickelback songs; I leave
the choice to the reader.)

Happiness is, according to Dave Gorman and others before him, measured in
happys; where one happy is equal to the amount of contentness a person gains
when you give them a pound coin. Of course, this can be translated into
other currencies; an American happy is the amount of contentness given by a
dollar bill. This also explains why Australians are so cheerful all the
time, because the Aussie dollar is worth bugger all.

Now, there are 1331 members on this mailing list, of which a few hundred
will be either people with two email addreses subscribed, or people on
holiday not reading their mail; so there must be approximately 1000 people
looking at each message. So, a one milisinister posting is one that makes
one member of the list glad that they read it. The likes of Archel and
Trousers can register a couple of hundred milisinisters very easily; I'm
happy if I make it into double figures.

Of course, that's not all that matters. Saying in a post that you love me
and think I'm great might only score on milisinister, but it will give me
personally about fifty happys.

Big Stu

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 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
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