Sinister: just please slap the crap out of me!!

[bus stoppers]

dearest dears,

so...
well, first of all, here's a hug for ms. pigtails.
i know exactly what you mean.

last night i had (yes, yet another) epiphany.  i think i
actually, finally, like a nice boy.  is the sky falling on my
head?  have all previous notions and/or ideals been knocked out
of my head by that piece of the sky?

i think i like him.
i really do.

we had plans to go out tomorrow, to an art show in santa monica.
 i thought i was going to be able to get someone to take my
shift, but alas, no one could.  i was actually super
disappointed.  i was upset, actually.  and then i was talking
with him last night and he was going to to his friends' birthday
thing.  with a friend that is a girl.  and guess what.  i
actually got jealous.  i have never been jealous before.

this is just fucking scary.

i have spent the greater part of the most recent past killing
time falling for poop-head boys.  that way, no one gets hurt. 
it's not like they were mean to me, it's just that nothing ever
got serious.  which i like.  it works, you know?  

but this boy really kinda likes me.
and i kinda like him back...
that means this isn't going to work.  
or will it?
isn't that the whole point of why i'm freaking out?

sara is finally ready to confess!
i'm a committment phobic.

why can't i just 'go with the flow'?  how come i have to think
about it so much that i almost cry because i'm so scared?  why
am i even going on about this?

fuck.
i'm sooo sorry.

sometimes i just wish that my life was different.  that i was a
different person who wasn't a fraidy-cat who insists that i want
to take risks to be happy.  

oh man.
just fucking stop.

......love,
      sara



=====
all the people'd stare as if we were both quite insane

someday my name and his are going to be the same

__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
New DSL Internet Access from SBC & Yahoo!
http://sbc.yahoo.com
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+