Sinister: Songs for idiots (round 2)

[Kenneth P Y Chu]

(Previously, on Belle and Sebastian on the Weakest link...)

<Anne> Time's up... it's time to reveal who you think is the WEAKEST LINK!

<Orchestra> DUM DUM DUM DUM... DUM DUM!
---

<Stuart> Isobel
<Stevie> Peacock
<Mick> Peacock
<Sarah> Peacock
<Richard> Peacock
<Chris> Peacock
<Bob> Peacock
<Isobel> Peacock
<Peacock> Cunts


<Anne> Stevie, have you ever been to church?
<Stevie> No I spend too much time at the playground.
<Anne> No time for going to a hair-stylist's then?
<Stevie> I go to the same one as you Anne.
<Anne> I doubt that..
<Anne> So stuart
<Stuart> Yes Anne
<Anne> Why Isobel?
<Stuart> She won't send me, anymore!
<Anne> Riiight...
<Anne> Isobel, can you spell the word "Beyond" for me?
<Isobel> B.. E..
*isobel catches breath
<Isobel> Y..
<Anne> DOES THAT BEGIN WITH AN "H" ISOBEL?
<Isobel> ..no Anne.
<Anne> Why peacock?
<Isobel> He got all of his answers wrong I believe.
<Anne> And you got all of yours right did you?
<Isobel> Well I can't vote for myself can I?
<Anne> Well, statistically, Isobel you were the weakest link but Peacock, it 
seems that everyone wanted to get rid of you, and it's the votes that count 
so you ARE the weakest link GOODBYE.

*Peacock does the walk of shame, with two fingers stuck up in the air

(..Inside interview room)
<Peacock> Buncha cheatin' cunts, when I get my hands on those fuckin' 
retards I'm gonna ##censored## them up the ##censored## with my 
##censored##.

(..Back to studio)
<Anne> Round two, you have so far managed to bank £50 in your kitty, we're 
now going to take 10 seconds off the clock, I'll start with the strongest 
link from the last round, and that's Bob.  Let's play... THEWEAKESTLINK!

<Orchestra> DUM DUM DUM DUM...

<Anne> start the clock.

<Orchestra> DUM DUM!

<Anne> Bob, the Naval Cruiser launched on St. Patrick's Day in March 1938 
that served in the second World War, but is now a part of the Imperial War 
Museum on the River Thames is named HMS what?
<Bob> Belfast!
<Anne> Correct!  Isobel, what is the family name of Napoleon?
<Isobel> Smith!
<Anne> No the correct answer's Bonaparte.  Stuart, what are the answers to 
the clues to the treasure hunt?
<Stuart> Not telling ya.
<Anne> No, that isn't the correct answer.  Stevie, in Mathematics what is 
the term used to describe the greatest natural number that can exactly 
divide two or more given numbers?
<Stevie> Chickfactor?
<Anne> No, the answer is Highest Common Factor, Mick, the slang term used to 
describe someone sticking out his tongue and blowing out a sound is known as 
blowing a what?
<Mick> Trumpet!
<Anne> er.. Raspberry!  Sarah, on the Equator, the sun rises from exactly 
which direction?
<Sarah> Behind my shoulder!
<Anne> Eaaast!  Richard..
<Richard> Bank!
<Anne> What word in the dictionary can mean either "to compress" or "one's 
romantic partner" and uses both of the two highest valued letters in the 
game of Scrabble?
<Richard> Squeeze!
<Anne> Correct! Chris, in computing, portable, platform-independent 
component models written in the Java programming language are sometimes 
known as Java-what?
<Chris> Beans!
<Anne> Correct! Bob..
<Bob> Bank!
<Anne> What is the ...

<Orchestra> DUM... DUM... DUM DUM

<Anne> That was the end of round two, after getting rid of who was allegedly 
the weakest link, you STILL ONLY managed to bank £50 pounds, who is one 
syllable short of a pretentious wank post-rock band title?  who has got more 
bum than brain?  It's time to VOTE OFF, the WEAKEST LINK!

<Jon Briggs> Bob is once again the strongest link and Isobel is again the 
weakest link, but will she survive the voting for the second time?

<Anne> Time's up, it's time to reveal who YOU think is the WEAKEST LINK!

<Orchestra> DUM DUM DUM DUM... DUM DUM!

---
(to be continued...)

Ken

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