Sinister: She can have a tummy and still be yummy!

[Laura Llew]

"If you don’t wear daring clothes because you worry about your cattier 
girlfriends snickering, I suggest you lose those particular girlfriends and 
replace them with a buttery pair of understanding leather pants." --Margaret 
Berry

No leather pants in my small circle of knowledge has ever been 
"understanding."  However, we all know that whenever anyone states having a 
problem with leather pants it's usually code for having a problem with - not 
the pants - but their fat ass.

The Three Cs:
Cankles
As Kevin explicated, cankle is a word formed from "ankle" and "calf" for 
those who seem to have no differentiation between the two. I tried to 
develop my own "cankle gallery" of sorts by taking my digital camera with me 
to one of my mother's church services in hopes that many of the dumpling of 
a woman which attend had such an affliction. Or better yet had a THANKLE! 
(no thigh to calf to ankle definition: tree trunk legs). However, all of 
them had quite shapely legs and they don't even genuflect! Maybe there are 
some curative points to green bean casserole afterall. Of course, all of 
them also do things like hold my hand and trace up my arm with their 
fingertips while talking to me or do one of those one sided hugs as they run 
their hand up and down my back slowly. I've been groped more times in church 
than on any date. There's no telling what kind of exercise these women's 
legs are getting on the side.

When I first heard about this cankle phenomenon (approximately around 3 in 
the morning), I frantically ran around trying to find someone still awake to 
look at my legs to tell me if I was indeed cursed with this. However, unlike 
my moral values and principles, my ankles are quite well defined. Now my 
worry has moved on to:

Carb Face
According to Auntsadie, carb face is a real problem facing the modern 
metrosexual male. I am neither a metrosexual nor a male, yet I like carbs. 
Down with Atkins! The best example of such puffy faced horror is Xander from 
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Remember the early seasons when he wore speedos? 
After carb face hit, he'd wear em just to keep people from staring at his 
face.

Cloche
While I'm on fashion and the such, I think I should devote some time to this 
little bell of a hat which has been more or less neglected since the 1920s, 
except for that foxy Kelly Macdonald in Gosford Park. They're darling and 
there's nothing more useful for avoiding eye contact with others while 
trying to read in a public place - except for a helmet with a visor perhaps. 
But where's the fashion sense in that?  As the aforequoted Margaret Berry 
said, "Flappers never had bad-hair days. They lopped off their tresses, 
tugged on a cloche, and headed out for an evening of Charleston and bootleg 
gin. What’s more, flappers wore comfy dresses shaped like potato sacks. They 
could wear whatever they liked; who the hell notices when you have that 
darling bell of a hat on? And so, you see, hats make life easier and loads 
more fun."

I don't really have any April Fools jokes for you. Not even the geeky 
librarian kind about Laura Bush having been named the new librarian of 
congress and her first duty was to remove all french books from the 
collection and rename it the "Ronald Reagan Library of Congress." However, I 
do want to send birthday shouts out to songles Dave whose birthday is today 
and to ZoziePop and RICHARD JOHN GILLANDERS who both had ones last week.

xo,
Ll

PS - Also shouts out to Marianna my London Shoe Shopper Extraordinairre, the 
ever so darling Robin Stout, my own personal photoshop Ken Chu who I 
promised to declare my love to, and my sinister sinister crush Miss 
Ullastrator

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