Sinister: self-indulgent twaddle

[Neil Wykes]

I wanted my first email to the Sinister List to be one that was heart felt
and during an emotional period, when my best writing is often done.  instead
I'm writing to avoid an essay about a need for more propaganda.  My
intellectualisation du'jour is that I haven't been sleeping well and my
overtired and tarnished brain couldn't hack the essay any longer.
I don't know if there's much point in talking about who and where I am,
unless I have anything interesting to say you're not going to remember me
are you?  like that boring bloke at the party who's had too much red wine
and jazz gas.  Don't know who I mean? Proves my point doesn't it?

so, for the first time I have an audience of over thirty for my writing.
from what I read, far, far more then thirty in fact.  I can feel the
butterflies waking up and taking caffeine so they can pester me for a
while...


the reason I've not been sleeping  isn't, unfortunately, from a nymph
caressing and pestering after my attention, it is the boring, but glow in
the dark question; "why do I keep ending up being bullied?".
  The most obvious and self-esteem busting answer is I have 'victim'
tattooed on my forehead. I guess it must be on my forehead as, if read with
the eyes below it reads 'victimise'!
	I try to be true myself and ignore other people who mock , but I do draw
attention to myself wherever I go, by just being me,  So I have had beer
thrown at me, names shouted at me more recently verbally abused by a friend
for the past nine months and I had to resort to doing anything I could to
getting him to realise I don't like him and more importantly, what he says.
the direct routes just haven't worked.
	I thought by the time I was twenty  this'll all be over, but now, at twenty
three I realise I am always going to meet people who get off on putting
people down.  Do we all meet these people or is it just me?

I'm sorry for the teen angst from a twenty-something. I think I may have
avoided a lot of this stuff when I was younger and I'm learning the hard way
now..
  I'm not upset or depressed, but jus disappointed that people don't grow up
of bullying

So, what do you think? an interesting email? or self-indulgent twaddle?  if
anyone has any answers to the question of 'Is it just me?' please email me
outside the list.  if anyone has the meaning of life I'd like to hear that
too! :)

take care people

Neil Wykes

P.S. I love reading the stuff you people post!


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