Sinister: Loverock on a Sunny Afternoon

[terry underwear]

hello,

***
A most peculiar thing happened to me last Saturday.  

It was a delightful afternoon.  The sun was shining, there was a light breeze, birds were singing.. A nice day for a picnic really.  I had just finished doing a spot of gardening and was taking a bag of weeds and other such growy things which you don't really want in your vegetable patch out to the bin.  As I approached the bin I noticed a piece of paper on the ground.  It looked like a page from an address book or diary, as it had a little coloured tab on the side which had AB written on it.  "Hmmm", I thought, "what's this here then?"  I picked it up and saw that it was indeed a page from an address book.  I quickly scanned the front but didn't recognise any of the names.  Then I turned it over... 
***

Would any listee's from Australia or New Zealand be interested in joining a tape tree?  Email me if you're interested and I might try and start one.

***
On the back of the page my Dad's and Grandma's phone numbers and addresses were listed.  "How very strange!" I thought.  
I glanced out to the road and saw that there were loads of pages like this blown all down the street.  How bizarre that the one page that had my family's details on would end up right outside my house.  This was starting to freak me out a little.  It was getting heavy, and when it's getting heavy it's time for me to turn into my alter-ego, the wisecracking, donut-eating Det Sgt Loverock!^
***

^I worked as a file room clerk in the police service for a year or so and one of the police officers was called Det Sgt Loverock.  I though it was the funniest name ever and have since stolen it to use as the name for my alter-ego.   

***
"Well it seems like someone has taken a leaf out of this person's book doesn't it!"  Loverock laughed loudly at his own joke, then began to think about how he was going to solve this little mystery.  
This was a vital case for Loverock following the limited success of his previous operation.  A case of mistaken identity and a hint of paranoia almost saw the wrong boy killed, but thankfully his partner DS Skulldeath managed to make a couple of people talk and disaster was narrowly avoided.
"I sure do wish Skulldeath was here to help me out on this one," Loverock thought.  "Why she got mixed up in that crazy mating deer with cheetahs business I'll never know.  I guess some people will do anything to make a quick buck." 
He quickly downed a six pack of donuts (iced of course) for a bit of courage, then made his way out into the street to pick up the pages.  After fifteen minutes he had about 50 pages and a tummy ache from eating too quickly.  An hour later and he had collected all the pages.  Now to analyse the evidence.
***

***
Loverock sat down on his armchair, a cup of sugary coffee in one hand, a jam donut in his left hand, and the pages in his other hand.  The first page he had picked up had the phone number for the Perth Alzheimers Club.  "Sounds like a nice way to meet new people each day," Loverock quipped.  The next page he looked at had a lot of people with the surname Mercer listed.  Was this a breakthrough?  Could the owner of this address book be a Mercer, and have Alzheimers?  Loverock was suddenly hit by a brainwave.  If this person knew my, I mean Terry's, parents, then surely Terry's parents would know this person!  Loverock raced to the phone to call one of his snitches.
***

***
DS Lovercock: "Hi, my name is Det Sgt Loverock, I was hoping to talk to a Mrs Terry."
Mrs Terry: "Sorry, I think you may the wrong number, this is Marilyn Boyle speaking here."
DS Loverock: "OK, yeah cool, that's right.  Ummm, do you know anyone who has Alzheimer's and the surname Mercer?"
Mrs Boyle: "Terry, is that you?"
Acting DS Terry: "Umm, yeah, hi Mum."
Mrs Mum: "Why did you call yourself Loverock?"
Acting DS Terry: "Hey?  Erm, it must have been like a crossed line or something.  So do you know anyone like that?"
Mrs Mum: "I'm not sure, I'll get your dad."
Mrs Dad: "Hello."
***

***
Loverock's snitches had come good.  He had the name and address of the address book's owners.  How the pages ended up all over the street he lived on will remain a mystery to him, but the important thing is that the address book was going to be back in its owner's hands.  Loverock signed the letter he had written to the address book owners and went to date it.  "What's the date today?" Loverock wondered.  He glanced at the calendar on the wall.  "That's last years calendar!" Loverock exclaimed.  At the moment a smile began to appear on Loverock's face, and he slowly turned towards the calendar.   "It seems to me," Loverock whispered to the out of date calendar, "that your days are numbered!"  
*****************

This quite bad story was based on a real life event.  The author takes no responsibilty for the terrible and at times offensive jokes of DS Loverock, the bad punctuation, or the anatomical inaccuracies.  
No donuts were hurt during the making of this story. 

terry


 

---
here's what i think: http://naivetysucceeds.blogspot.com

caitlin and terry's sinister recipe tree archives: http://www.joannou.net/topofthestairs/sinifood/


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