Sinister: nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard

[Christine Irene]

hi everyone.  i hope that this email finds all of you
well.  

the sun is shining today, but that is about all that
is nice about it.  

easter was nice.  i hung out at my gram's and didn't
argue with anyone.

yesterday was shit.  it was my friend katie's birthday
and i wasn't planning on seeing her until this
weekend.  i tried to finish making her present but my
burner just wasn't having it.  

i went to katie's house after work and she gave me an
easter basket.  i felt like an arse.  it was her
birthday and she was giving me a gift.  when
attempting to make plans, she got into an argument
with her boyfriend.  i decided to go and leave them
some privacy.  

i got to my car and  checked my voicemail where i had
a message from someone i owe money to.  oh yeah, i
forgot to mention that, according to my atm print out,
i have exactly $0.00 in the bank.  so i was all upset
and driving along listening to "The Scientist" by
Coldplay on repeat.  I must have been in my own little
world because, when i noticed the police car behind
me, i promptly got over to the right side to let him
by....unfortunately, when i stopped, so did he.  it
seems i was going 39 in a 25.  i don't doubt this was
true, i had no idea how fast i was going.  my eyes
were too blurry to see most things anyway.   
just as officer friendly was going to his car to write
up my ticket, the line "nobody said it was easy, it's
such a shame for us to part.  nobody said it was easy,
no one ever said it would be so hard.  take me back to
the start."  i was thinking of how nice that would be.
 to just start over.  a whole new life, a new set of
rules.  situations i would be more prepared to handle.
 situations that i would be in control of.  

as i continued listening to the song, letting chris
martin soothe me as best he could, i was thinking
about gwyneth paltrow and how unfair things are.  she
is tripe, in every capacity (based on little fact as i
don't know her personally) and she gets to have a boy
who can sing to her like that.  can you imagine
knowing stuart murdoch really well?  can you imagine
how nice it would be to, after a shite day, have him
sing you to sleep.  you could go through anything at
all, and him singing would make it all go away.  he
could sing anything and i would believe him, simply
because he has the voice of an angel.  that would be
nice.  

so mr. policeman returned and gave me my ticket.  he
then informed me that, since he was so nice, he was
only going to give me 1 ticket and a warning for not
having changed the address on my drivers license.  

after that, i was hysterical.  i know that everyone's
life is hard at times.  the thing is, when it's your
life, the tried and true cliches of "that's life" and
"it'll be okay" just don't seem to hold muster.

i called my mom to cry to her.  she told me to quit
driving and settle down a bit.  then my step dad got
on the phone and proceeded to yell at me; "why are you
so upset?  everyone gets speeding tickets."

"becasue i have no money in the bank, i owe everyone
money and i have to go and look at a place to live
tomorrow and i have no idea how i'm going to pay for
it."

"well settle down.  you're  a grown woman, you're
going to have to learn to deal with this shit without
getting hysterical."

somehow, i found his words less than consoling, so i
hung up and cried harder.

i was going to go to work, i was right near there. 
then i decided that i didn't want the girls to see me
like that.  so i went back to katie's house.  she
opened the door and she was crying.  she looked at me
and i was crying.  she was still fighting with her
boy, so we went out for coffee and traded tales of
woe.  this is exactly how we spent her birthday last
year.  birthdays are crap.


so that is my weekend in a nutshell.

well not really.  saturday was nice.  the family that
i work for gave me money for easter, so i decided to
get my hair cut and coloured, which i hadnt done for
ages.  while at the salon, my massage therapist came
over to ask how my health has been and how i had been
doing about my dad and all.  i told her that a couple
of weeks ago i was trying to get an appointment with
her, but she was busy.  she told me that she had a
4:00 opening.  knowing fully that i am (as ordered by
a doctor) *supposed* to get massages weekly, decided
to make the appointment.  i figured, at the very
least, i have the money that i got for easter.  

to kill time, i went to the irish shop ( my favourite
one) near my salon.  i fell in love with a white gold,
diamond and sapphire claddagh....it was $500, so i
didnt buy it.  i opted, instead, for 4 rolls of
pastilles ( i love those things!) and was on my way.

my massage was lovely and christine, my therapist,
told me that my back was extremely tight and that i
needed more time with her.  i told her that i just
can't afford to see her weekly.  i know i need to.  i
know i'm supposed to.  i told my doctor once that i
would be more than happy to get weekly massages if he
paid for them.  he just looked at me.  they cost a
dollar a minute, that adds up pretty quicklky.

so anyway.  now i am at work.  no one yells at me
here.   i don't owe anyone money here.  the girls love
me and i them.  it's a nice place to be. 

~stine


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