Sinister: i'd love a bite of crow but my foot is in my mouth at the moment

[Christine Irene]

i honestly can't believe all of this hoopla.  my
goodness.  i'm quite the troublemaker it would seem. 
perhaps i should enumerate a bit....this may take
awhile so bare with me or delete me....your choice.

fundamentally: since joining sinister in 98, i have
always had a slightly Utopian view of our list here. 
yes, we are from different cultures, different
religions, different colours, we have individual likes
and dislikes, passions, interests, hobbies, etc. 
through all of that, there has also always (seemingly)
been an unspoken respect.  i have been on many lists
in my day and more often than not there have been
instances of things like: " what do you mean you don't
read chaucer?  you are such a dick."  
i have always loved sinister because, though there may
be the tongue-in cheek barb, there is no attacking.

i keep my computer at work and have been on holiday. 
the only daily means i have of checking my email is my
mobile phone....and i really hate typing on it, so i
don't.
as some of you may or may not know, i have been having
some health issues in the past year.  for awhile i
talked about it, then i stopped....i didn't want to be
the one always whining.  
on tuesday i had this "procedure" done.  i had to have
a pH monitor connected to my lower esophageal
sphincter which required a couple of rather unpleasant
things.  1)  a catheter had to be put up my nose and
down my throat 60 cm.  2) after that, a tube had to be
put up my nose and down my throat 36 cm.  3) after
that, i had to walk around all day and night with the
aforementioned tube taped to my face and i had to
carry my monitor around with me for a 24 hour
duration.  
the purpose of this was to monitor the fluctuations of
acid pH in my stomach over the course of an entire day
whilst carrying on my daily activities.

it was, without question, the most horrible thing i
have ever been through.

fast forward....on wednesday i got my tubes removed
and was happy to be sans equipment.  i was also happy
that people could stop staring at me like a two headed
freak.

yesterday, wednesday, i got the results of the
monitoring.  i found out that the average person's pH
is around 5.....if it goes below 4, consistently, you
are considered to be in a "danger zone."  
i found out that my average pH at night is .9.
i also found out that, as a result of that, my
likelihood for getting esophageal cancer has
skyrocketed.  it is pretty likely that, in the next
few years, i will have cancer.  it is also likely that
i will need a tube permanently in my throat if my
condition is too far gone to be corrected.
the good part of this is that a) i at least know what
is going on now and can (hopefully) get proper
treatment in enough time and b) it is in the confines
of a research study so i don't have to pay for any of
this stuff.

having said all of that....i purposely went to the
library yesterday to read some sinister mail, hoping
to be put in my typical silly, happy sinister mood.
when i read mark and idel's posts, which seemed
slightly abrasive and unnecessarily condescending, i
sort of flipped out.
i know that miss berry doesn't care for my posts, and
i can completely respect that, i just thought that
someone innocently asking about genre's and twee
seemed sort of a silly thing to get upset about.  
i know that i can't stand  music classification and
perhaps our idel's is the same....i just wasn't
expecting a post like that....which is prolly me
overreacting slightly as well.

as for mark.  well, i doubt i need to tell any of you
that there is no love lost between he and i.  i never
had a problem with mark until he went out of his way
to flame me onlist all of the time.  

having said all of that, i also realise that i over
reacted and mentioned things onlist that would have
best been said offlist.

i apologise for involving the list and for making the
fruitloop-apps' feel "in the middle."  i don't think
mark or i, regardless of our feelings for one another,
wish to involve the list in a battle of choosing
sides.

i received a lot of off list mail yesterday, much of
which was very supportive and said that i was right on
the money and that many really liked my post from
yesterday....

i think we all need to keep in mind what mrs. frapps
said.....and i include myself in that.
no one is liked by everyone and no one likes everyone.
 it is so easy to just react to email without thinking
about the words you are typing....without thinking
that not everyone will pick up on the intended
tone.....not everyone will get the inside jokes that
may be inserted...not everyone understands that your
tongue was firmly planted in cheek when you said
something.


ah well.  i guess the bottom line is that i am sorry
for my email from yesterday.  i'm sorry that i aided
in turning sinister into the antithesis of itself for
awhile.

i wish you all a lovely weekend.

love ~christine

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