Sinister: My unending fascination for girls with pigtails

[Dean Gillon]

Hello.

I met Belle and Sebastian once.  Well sort of I did. 
Me and my lass-at-the-time went to see them play in
Scarborough, oooh, about 18 months or so back.  And
very good they were too, except we had to sit down at
the gig.  I've never been to a sitty-doon gig before
and I'm not too sure I like it.  I'm used to sweaty
moshpits with everyone drinking lager.  This was a
much more civilised do.  Everyone sitting down, eating
candyfloss and ice-creams and drinking panda pops (not
really made from pandas non-uk people.  At least I
don't think so).  In the bar beforehand some guy spilt
my drink and I honestly thought he was going to start
crying.  Ahhh, don't you just love it?  You wouldn't
get that at a Puddle of Mudd gig.

Anyway, after the gig we got back to the hotel and
some young scallywag had broken into our room and
swiped my mobile, my shirt and my lass-at-the-time's
glasses!  why on earth would someone steal someone's
glasses?  Not happy, and if I'd have gotten hold of
him I would have put on my disembowelling hat.

Next day, we were walking into town to get the train
home when who should be loading up their bus but young
Struan and, I think, Mick (could be wrong).  Sarah was
there too and she was wearing the same jumper that she
had on on-stage the night before - uurrr!  "Nice gig
last night" I said, "thank you very much" said Struan.
 "Yeah, it was tops" couldn't think of anything else
to say so walked off and bought a tin robot (really). 
Why on earth I didn't get them to sign my ticket or
CDs or something I don't know.  Why I didn't steal
Isobel is beyond me.  oh well, you've got to move on
haven't you?

ANyway, the important bit.  Did you know all polar
bears are left handed?  They end up smudging their
work with their whopping A3 sized paws because we
right left to right.  I think that this may be the
main reason why there has never been a really popular
polar bear novel - their work is always rejected by
the publishers because of the terrible presentation
before they get chance to read it.  Either that or
they can't write in the first place because they can't
find their white paper (think about it).  I think we
should all chip in and buy typewriters and bright
paper to encourage them.  Set up a charity or
something. 

Bye

Dean X

A geordie lass went into the hairdressers and asked
for a perm.  The hairdresser said "I wandered lonely
as a cloud".

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