Sinister: my old man's a dustbin

[robin stout]

Lulou said:

<<Oh, and congratulations to Robin for winning Big Brother.  You must be 
very proud. >>

It was hard in there, I can tell you. We had nothing to eat except bovril 
and beans and they made us pretend to be dinosaurs and tickle geese in a 
grotesque reenactment of a Tudor parlour game. I still have a goose's beak 
stuck in my brain. Having cameras watching my every move was horrid too, 
knowing that while I was lying in the sun in my stripey pants the nation was 
drooling as their collective eye zoomed in on my bust.

It seems I can't escape the cameras. Yesterday a BBC film crew came to the 
office to film us at work, and I almost got on the telly. Instead they chose 
a pretty girl:

Them: "You know, I'm sure you'd be great, but, to be honest, you're just not 
a pretty girl."

Me (sobbing): "I could try!"

Instead I got to hold a big reflective thing to dazzle the light toward our 
heroine's face. The cameraman told me with a wink that I was the Best Boy. 
It's a term we in television use, you know. I don't know why he wanted my 
phone number, though.

So I emerged from the Big Brother house and cycled home to find a mountain 
of post had landed on my doormat. Apart from the bills and an offer to be 
stuck to an aeroplane for a superglue commercial there were a couple of 
letters from the Banchory Minute Mart. Trucker Hats?? Football Shirts?? What 
is this crazy monkey business?? Struan does look charming in his football 
shirt, although I think that it would have been much better if they'd made 
him wear separate large, medium and small shirts for each of the photos. It 
would have looked like the photos of me in my Year 9 Football Club Album. 
I'm not sure about the ampersand man who is kicking the football, though. He 
seems to be kicking it into his face as far as I can see.

Lately, blue rumour bubbles have been popping up all over the Infobahn with 
stories of the new Belle and Sebastian album. Some of these bubbles seem to 
be made up of nonsense, but they're in general agreement that the new album 
will be out at the end of September and will be preceeded by the single 
"Step Into My Office Baby" on the 9th. There's a rumour too that the single 
will be a track off the album, which will be a new thing for the band to do, 
although this rumour seems to be a bit of a guess. I don't care much about 
whether or not it is on the album, so long as the b-sides are good. I loved 
their last single to bits because it wasn't just one, but three slices of 
loveliness.

Aww, reading all these emails about Tigermilking makes me wish I had been 
there. Sob. Sniffle.

yours snufflingly,

Robin x

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