Sinister: a post in quotes

[Laura Llew]

"A boy can be mad ugly but if he smells good he can still get the filly."

In 1998, my brother heard the above from a hairdresser from Queens who 
worked at the prestigious Von Curtis Salon. I once read an article about Von 
Curtis after a car had jumped the curve and ran into their building 
shattering glass and partially entering into their business/school. I 
remember one dedicated beauty worker being quoted as saying something to the 
effect of, "We just kept on working. We had dyes and perms to do - you can't 
let broken glass keep you from things like that." It somehow reminded me of 
that touching quote from King of the Hill, "You know, at the beauty academy 
they teach us that people aren't black or white or yellow or red, but their 
hair can be."
Employees of Von Curtis - I tip my trucker hat to you.

But - and this is said in my best Sophia impression here - I digress. Since 
hearing this sagacious piece of wisdom my brother has married, had a child, 
quit his teaching job to work for a grocery store, and now lives in a two 
bedroom apartment with an air conditioner with a remote control. What other 
sign of advance civilization and luxury living then an air conditioner with 
a remote control? Thus, I would feel remiss if I kept this secret key of 
insight into female nature to myself.

Sadly, I don't have any equal advice on how to make the boys swoon. This is 
obvious since if I did Kevin Hyde could be quoted as saying, "as she always 
rock my pants off" rather than just his socks being obliterated. However, I 
shall dispense my own personal motto of life which I try to center my life 
around as I find that it help keeps me on the straight and narrow. This 
personal statement is, naturally, stolen from Oscar Wilde*. It is this: 
"Life is too short to dance with ugly men." Repeat that one to yourself in 
the mirror. No truer words were ever spoken.

And if that doesn't work for you then just do what I do and follow the 
wisdom of Morrissey:
Word Magazine: Did you hear t.A.T.u.'s version of "How Soon Is Now?"
Morrissey: Yes, it was magnificent. Absolutely. Again, I don't know much 
about them.
WM: They are teenage Russian lesbians.
Morrissey: Well, aren't we all?

Lastly, to those who are happily coupled and who have no need to hear such 
words I must send out my congratulations. This is specifically going out to 
Julie Sexpot of a Sauer and Werther David Hewitt who were married at the 
first of this month. Aw, I remember back in the day when they were just 
beginning to make eyes at each other from across the sides of the globe. I 
would be hard pressed to find two people who I like more so the best of luck 
to both of you. I only wish you didn't live all the way in Australia as I 
miss visits with Julie tremendously. She once said she'd snog me and now 
that will never happen. Now, every time I kiss someone I'll just sigh 
discontentedly and say "*You're* no Sexpot." My life is forever ruined. But 
congratulations anyway!

Well, being the bookshop girl I am I feel as if I've been attacked by a 
swarm of rabid snitches with all of the Potter madness. There was a midnight 
party at my own little bookshop where two other sinisters were in 
attendance: the ever esteemed GayJay and then Eric (of former half bee 
status) who I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting before. I was distracted by 
the stress and dread of the looming crowd so I apologize that I wasn't very 
good company. In fact, they spent most of their time in #sinister even when 
I was just behind the counter nervously straightening things or staring at 
my shoes while trying to calm myself down for the impending stampede soon to 
come upon me. At some point, I realized I should be nice and try one of 
those "conversation" things I hear everyone always talking about or, for 
that matter, talking because of but I went with the "socially awkward and 
silent" card instead. It's a good hand for me. Nevertheless, I'm glad they 
came and I made them both give me hugs at the end because I don't let cute 
boys get away from me without one, even if they don't really like girls.

I hope I didn't give either of them cooties...
Ll

*"If, with the literate, I am impelled to make an epigram, I never seek to 
take the credit; We all assume that Oscar said it" - Dorothy Parker

PS - Yes, I meet people when I'm in the mountains of North Carolina but I 
have no sinister meetups to report back from from my three week cross 
country roadtrip which I just returned from. (Started in North Carolina all 
the 2,000 miles to San Diego up the western sea coast to Seattle and then a 
slow saunter across Montana to South Dakota until I dipped myself so far 
south I ended up back home). This wasn't from lack of trying though and I'm 
sorry that I missed SGS, Markelby, and Billzebub - all of who I wanted to 
see.
PPS - I got tickets for the b&s show at prospect park in August. Whoot!

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