Sinister: fo'matted in plain text, no kidding. [vs]

[Kevin Hyde]

Hi everyone, 


For those of you who were mutely shocked and appalled at the advent of
date-rape rock, courtesy of Mr. Mayer, I think I may have found the
first post-Mayer practitioner of the art: Josh Rouse. However, if I were
going to speculate about such things (and I will), I would guess that
d-r. rock historians will show Josh Rouse to be the Magazine of the
genre, compared to Mayer's Buzzcocks. Rouse has simply taken it to the
next level with his semi-conceptual album about a Midwestern couple in
the 1950's. Sensitive? check; earnest? check; semi-attractive
frat-boy-ish singer? Also very check. This kid has a limitless future in
my opinion, and yes, for those of you wondering, he is American. I'm
just waiting for the inevitable U.K. counterparts, not to mention the
consequent NME renal-failure-inducing hype. Hot. 

<<pushes sleeves up to elbows for necessary meta-discursive distance>> 
Laura Llew said:
"Sadly, I don't have any equal advice on how to make the boys swoon.
This is obvious since if I did Kevin Hyde could be quoted as saying, "as
she always rock my pants off" rather than just his socks being
obliterated."

Oh my. Most boys swoon, this is true. Though, for some reason, most of
the men in my family, when confronted with even a slightly attractive
woman, will throw the backs of their hands to their foreheads and
exclaim "I have the vapors", which habit I am also unfortunately very
much in the genetic grip of. I only said socks because 'pants' would
leave nothing to the imagination. This way sinsterines and -ettes can
mentally grapple with the image suggested of my black dress socks being
forcibly blown from my feet, whereas with 'pants', everyone is left with
the logistical nightmare of HOW MY PANTS CAME OFF OVER MY SHOES AND
SOCKS. Too much. 

Speaking of pants-off, my little brothers informed me, over email this
weekend, that there is some danger involved in combining Pert Plus and
private parts (is this phrase scary to anyone else? It is creepy like
'life partner', which Joe Pernice from the Pernice Bros. agrees. I only
used it for alliterative purposes, to curry favor with K.C.).
Apparently, (and incredibly) two of them had independently discovered
this in the shower when there was a lack of bar soap. The description my
fifteen year-old brother, Sean, gave me over the phone was something
like "it felt kind of minty fresh at first, but then it started to burn
and freeze at the same time". Which I can only hope was the intention of
Proctor and Gamble, to gently cauterize the scrota of poorly-informed
teens and pre-teens. So, just a warning to those of you out there eyeing
the shampoo or conditioner and thinking it will give your nether regions
an olfactory change of pace: my brothers told me that massive doses
(mountains in fact) of baby powder were required to stop the burning. 


There was one last thing I wanted to add: the portion of the subject
line in brackets is my own way of rating my Sinister post. This
particular one is [very smutty]. I suppose that doesn't help anyone now
if you've read this far, having already gone through the potentially
unpleasant portions. But hey! That makes my post like an ourobouros.
Phew, finally, and they said it couldn't be done. 


Cup lids are my anti-spill, 

love, 

Kevin 
     

      

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