Sinister: Tools of Lucifer

[Laura Llew]

Big Stu bellowed, "So I'll just subtly drop into the conversation that 
everything they say about tall men with big feet is true."

That they make bad dance partners? The only thing worse than slow dancing 
with a boy who is shorter than you is dancing with a boy who is so tall that 
you feel like you need to be an Eastern European gymnast just to vault up 
high enough to say, "Why hello there." Excuse me while I throw out my back 
and dislocate my shoulder just to get my arms up to where they're supposed 
to be.

Naturally, when I was younger and forced by my paternal units to attend 
dances which they insisted on calling "mixers," I would always get stuck 
with the boys with the worst case of halitosis during the really long songs 
and who treated my feet and shins like a gangplank. After a while I became 
accustomed to answering queries of "would you like to dance" with "Oh yes! 
Let's do! It's so nice to meet a man who isn't a pansy about catching my 
scabies!"

***
Pinefox puttered: "The one name I'll now name was the raison d'etre of this 
whole bash: for the Geezer, Miller turned up. What next - a visit from 
Llaura Llew?"

I actually was going to be in London this month for the London book fair 
next week. Then, I remembered that London is for Losers! Or rather my bank 
account is. Thus, none of you have to worry about taking out life insurance 
or getting that fashionable helmet with harness to wear yet. Next March 
though..

I would say that Wales for Llewsers but then I'd have to pronounce the 
double L like I'm supposed to and I'm just not as guttural as I used to be. 
Sadly, neither is the pinefox.

***
"My grandfather used to say that they made the cheese run across the table 
whilst no one was looking."
"originally produced in caves in their respective areas where the mold was 
naturally present."

At first I thought the above quotes were about boys but it turned out that 
they were about Blue Cheese. Go figure.

***
To keep with my theme of quoting, I believe I shall now take a tidbit from 
my favorite Granny Shag Mag - Bust magazine - everyone's best resource for 
furry things that vibrate and music reviews that summarize how shaggable the 
artist is rather than their music (aww yeah). So from Amy Sedaris - to 
inspire all of you actors out there:

"Whenever I had to bring a monologue into an audition I would take something 
from 'Our Bodies, Ourselves.' I wasn't going to fucking memorize some boring 
Shakespeare thing that you'd already heard three times a day. Instead it 
would be, 'I like something small in my anus during lovemaking. No pressure, 
no movement, just plain there.'"

And on that note I shall bid my farewell.

obsessed with symmetryrtemmys htiw dessesbo
             arualaura

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