Sinister: the rules of attraction*

[Matthew Henderson]

Hello all,

It's 3:30 in the morning, I have a lecture in the morning, and I can't get 
to sleep.  So what happens?  Well, obviously, I post to 1500 people...again. 
  But at least there's no Huey Lewis in this one.

I'm learning quite a lot living out here in the big city of Glasgow.  Sadly, 
not much of that knowledge is coming from the University I sometimes-attend. 
  One thing I've learned is that the Glasgow indie types know their music, 
and they know it well.  I sometimes wonder how these people found the time 
in life to soak up all of this information, and I think of how I would never 
have the time or patience to do that.  Then I think of those long weekends 
where I just sit in my living room watching two seasons of Buffy in a row, 
and I begin to wonder if I could be doing something more productive with my 
time (even if it is learning all the different versions of "MacArthur Park" 
and judging which is better).  Still, it's driving me mainstream.  I've had 
three dreams about Zwan, and am fighting not to spend the money on the 
album, especially with a new Go-Betweens and Aislers Set floating out there 
(side note:  if anyone wants to e-mail me and tell me their thoughts on the 
new Go-Betweens to help with my decision to purchase it, it would be 
appreciated).

However, one thing I am still trying to get my head around is the 
time-honoured "pull".  Picking up a girl in a club or dance night or pub is 
something completely new altogether, and i must say, way beyond my current 
social abilities.

An example of my social ineptitudeness:

Girl:  Hey, you're in my course at Uni.
Drunken Matt:  Ooh, right.  Well, no tutorials tomorrow (slurrr)...gotta 
fuck off now.

So now I know that's not the best idea for next time.  I have been informed 
that a proper pull involves "chatting up" someone, then, at the right 
moment, moving in for a snog.  If the snog is good, then numbers may be 
exchanged.  If not, it's done or perhaps a meeting at the same club some 
other time to try again.  My response to this is a great big "no <expletive> 
way".

Another tactic, which I saw work right before my very own eyes just this 
Friday, was employed by a sinister.  Through a move of sheer brilliance, the 
sinister "accidentally" flipped a paper frog he found on a table into a cute 
girl's lap.  "oh come, she can't be that stupid...jesus...she is!"  But how 
often is there a paper frog conveniently sitting on a table near a cute girl 
sitting on her own?

While amazing to watch, I suppose that information doesn't really help me 
very much...unless I make many paper frogs and strategically place them on 
tables in a club for use later in the evening.

Since I have no pick up lines of any worth, and I have found the general 
female's interest in the Peasants Revolt of 1381 or the Jacobite Rising of 
'45 can be described as passing at best, I'm out of luck in this territory.  
Push comes to shove, I can always find a large tub of chocolate, a crate 
with airholes that simply says "from Waldo", and Laura Llew's address.

But that's a rather desperate measure.  For now, I'll just be that guy who 
goes to clubs on his own, and stands on his own, and leaves on his own, and 
goes home and cries and wants to die.  You know, like that T.A.T.U. song.  
So I might not have the insane indie knowledge of most, but I think that 
makes me far more indie in spirit.  Because what's more indie than a 
romantic failure**?

So perhaps next weekend I will attempt to pull.  Come see the tears and 
recriminations.

-Matt

*If you were expecting something like Bret Easton Elis, I apologize.  Sadly, 
I don't know of any kidnapped females bound and gagged by yuppies at this 
time.
**Other than a romantic failure by Jim O'Rourke or Steve Pastel


P.S.  I apologize for the worthlesness of this post.  But forgive me, I'm 
bored, delirious, and shaking from too much tea.
P.P.S.  In a B+S note, does anyone else think that "Put the Book Back on the 
Shelf" is one of their most unsung classics?  I think it's my favourite at 
the moment.



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