Sinister: Juicy Lucy and the Picnic Planner Blues

Fri May 9 20:47:53 BST 2003

Lucy the Juicy wrote:

"I dont know what to wear to the picnic.  Jeans will
be too hot for the
gig but a skirt might be too cold for the picnic.  I
could bring a 
second
outfit and wriggle into it in some pokey toilet
cubicle, but then Id 
have
to carry all that stuff around with me and a rucksack
never goes down 
well
at a gig.  In fact, its almost as bad a crime as
standing in front of 
me
with your long, frizzy hair, so it gets stuck in my
sweaty cleavage, or
barging down the front when youre the tallest man in
the house (cf Big
Stu  only joking!)

Girls, I need advice, what shall I do?"

***This advice is aimed not only at Lucy, but girls
generally, and is musings to be considered and any
further additional comment welcome***

I am still considering what to wear. I know its over a
week to the gig, but a girl has gotta plan!

Thing about wearing a skirt:
tights. Always have spare tights. Thats fine - you can
bundle it up into a tiny ball in your pocket.
Alternatively, offer your lad the opportunity to go
all 80's Wham and pop it in his pocket. Albeit that it
will be a bit at an angle, and it might look more like
an over inflated bollock than throbbing member.  

What shoes to wear? trainers with a skirt? is that ok?
or are we in danger of getting a bit too much like Nat
off of Eastenders wearing trainers and a skirt?
particularly if its long and denim. Looks ok, but I'm
going off it, and white trainers are right off my list
of tasteful things to wear. I saw a ned granny walking
down Maryhill wearing a long denim skirt with a split
up the back and white trainers. If she had a face that
was worth buying a mirror for, then it mightn't have
been so bad, but cos she looked haggard, its really
put the last nail in the coffin for me denim skirts
with white trainers. 

It is possible to pack a second outfit - you only need
a skirt and perhaps, shoes. I'd recommend no high
heels. Naturally, a girl has got to look like a proper
sexy mistress (something Lucy manages at every
Winchester and NPL I've been to anyway), but you know,
it gets sore. And all day. And what if there is
walking? I did that once, and really, I learnt to
regret. Hobbling is not a quality of a sexy mistress. 
So its got to be low heels or flatties really, isn't
it? 

Then there is the issue of picnics. So it might be
dry, but what if the ground is a bit damp and you
know, your shoes get a bit muddy? Not chic. Not at
all. Unless you have grass all over your back and a
wicked little glint in your eye and matching smile, in
which case you might get away with it. 

You could always pack your stuff in your boyfriends
rucksack and let him be your mule for the night.
Promise him he can have stallion duty afterwards.

Alternatively, if you know someone who lives within
changing distance do that. Somewhere within walking
distance of the picnic venue.. so towards the end of
the picnic you can nip off and change "quickly". 

Perhaps the other alternative would be to go for a
tunic. I would do this if I had the guarantee that my
thighs were going to be a little more cooperative than
they have been for the last seven years.  Strip off
the jeans in a pokey cubicle and voila, one oh so cute
mini dress. Don't bend over at the waist though.
Tunics are apparently ok to wear, although I still
have nightmares about when those girls used to wear
white bootcut tight polyester trousers with the wrap
around skirt. 

Or, just bring a spare top. Something glam for the
evening, and something casual for the daytime. Add a
bit of jewelry and a good dose of fantastic cleavage
(I've heard that in boyland, there is no such thing
about bad cleavage. Unless you think about Tori
Spelling. That girl needs to get her tits to be a bit
more friendly with one another).

One pair of spare shoes and a teeny bag which is all
you need really for shoes and a top (ok, and make up,
a hair brush, camera, and anything else you might
pack). 

Maybe we should all just buy flymos. they apparently
squish and squash stuff into a tiny compartment.
Clever hover? 

One point about frizzy hair- my tips to avoid
calamity:

1. buy frizz ease
2. Use it.
3. Tie long hair into a bun
4. Avoid moisture in the air at the picnic by wearing
a headscarf. No bandanas please, you are not the
Duchesses of York, thank you. Headscarves are a bit
Isobel Campbell, but if the perm story is true, then
I'm guessing frizz might be a bit along her street
too.
5. Wear an alice band and keep it neat
6. Get your heads shaved
7. Wear something with a hood. 
8. Go to the pub.

Hmm.

Ok this is hard work trying to decide what to do. I
think I need to go shopping. 

love

idles 

=====
<a href="http://retrosec.blogspot.com/">http://retrosec.blogspot.com/</a> thoughts

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