Sinister: "Sting" is another one of my heroes. His music, I don't really li sten to it, but the fact that he makes it, I respect that"

[therapy.services at xxx.org]

Oh my god, I'm back again. Bum, bum de dum. 

So I went and recorded the entire back catalogue and made a super-fine 'B+S
for beginners' package (complete with pictures! and biography! and quotes!
and scurrilous tales of debauchery!) for a friend of mine. And whilst I was
proud of my gift and stationary skills, I did kind of overdo it on the
listening stakes. So I played my recently received Quasi and Architecture in
Helsinki  records (I pretend to be the Midnight Miss Suki to her...) which
were lovely, lovely, lovely and then, as ever, I went all poptastic. And
then I was sad. Not because of the alarming family double accident, but
because there aren't any good old fashioned boy bands anymore. Oh, how I've
tired of "Sure we're all boys but are into r 'n' b and have flava with a pop
groove and I play the keyboards and WE'RE NOT A BOY BAND!" palava I keep
reading about in Smash Hits. I'm talking about a podgy lead singer, a cheeky
chap, a cutie-pie and two buff hangers-on who DO AS THEY'RE TOLD and record
a bunch of tunes written by Max Martin.  I mean c'mon! I need some adorable
unattainable boy to swoon over again and write fake articles about for fun!

Careers Guidance Counsellor: Why journalism?
Marianna: So I can interview cute pop stars and make out with them. 

Instead, sadly, there is the emergence of D-Side who are the new freaking
Westlife (who, hell-lo, 'ugly! ugly! balladeers!' were never a proper boy
band) and I worry about what those poor 12 year-olds are having to listen
to. Boy bands are supposed to have up-tempo P!O!P! tunes and show off their
rock-hard washboard abs whilst dancing on their knees and DON'T HAVE
GIRLFRIENDS (let alone impregnate them) for five years so as not to alienate
their fanbase. Sigh. I dream of creating my own group of wunderhunks. 

Still, D8's "Knockout" has, if nothing else, a totally kicking video clip
and in the meantime I'm making do (sadly, not 'out') with Busted, who are to
boy bands what Avril is to Dannii, but they do have fantastically perky
pop-rocking singles, choreographed JUMPING UP AND DOWN WITH GUITARS
routines, spiky bleached hair and one of the guys looks like Teenwolf. This
is pleasing. What's also pleasing is the number of advertisements that are
plastered on the streeetlamps in muh working hood. They read: "Hott young
thangs wanted to become the saviours of pop," or something, and mention
auditions scheduled for May 17. 

And suddenly THIS fragment of an idea is what I'm putting my pop musical
faith in and somehow I know that by the end of the year, I'll be sitting in
my room again, leaving the Interpol and the Vermont and The Miss Kitten
records scattered deliberately around my stereo in a critically observed
"she has great taste" way, but it will be their pop music that I'll be
listening to on repeat for two months before discarding it for the next
quick fix of musical hits from the Top of the Pops syringe. 

And so, with that in mind (and since I can't make it to Glasgow for the B+S
shindig) I'm staying in London this weekend for the less credible, but oh -
the anecdotes, of the aforementioned auditions, before grabbing my fedora
and watching the spectacular Mr. JT. Oh-yeaahh.

Realisation, I might want to think about re-applying for my indie cred. 

Might I just also add: JAPANESE! SWORD! FIGHTING! Is the coolest thing in
the world. (Followed closely by my cracking new riding crop, which I have
partly for memories sake and partly because carrying it and walking through
town with a 'fuck off' expression makes me look saucy and really, if you
happened to see on in a store, could YOU walk out without purchasing it?
But, back to the ancient art of chopping people's heads off). It's so good
it makes me want to crap my pants. And now I'm a swashbuckling pirate and a
ninja and Westley from The Princess Bride all rolled into one. And now, now
when ordinary folk might hear Struan sing "she put me on the ground with
judo", I hear "she got revenge with batto-do." CONTENT! And, DON'T DOUBT IT!

xx Miss Marianna




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