Sinister: it goes something like this

[Ian Watson]

I started to write something about how I've been feeling today, about a
friend of mine that I haven't seen for a while who's in hospital, about what
a bizarre day I've had, about people who sap the lifeforce out of you, about
good intentions and misunderstandings, about what it's like once you step
past that first threshold and realise you'll never be able to find your way
back, no matter what...but then it dawned on me that wasn't going to do
anyone any good, let alone me.

So instead, here's an ink polaroid.

My friend is lying on his hospital bed. He's in his regular clothes, denim
mostly, no need for a hospital gown for this guy. He's looking pretty good.
The eye patch suits him. He says if this is as bad as it gets then he'll be
happy. it's not like he has a job that relies on his eyesight, I joke. We
all laugh (his friend, an actor I think, has come to visit at the same
time). Ah, he only needs one eye for what he does, my friend says. There are
two more operations to go. The first one was a big success, so he's feeling
optimistic. But he can't help think about what they say - there's five per
cent chance. Still, there's a bigger risk when you have a caesarian. You
don't want to get one of those, his mates says. We all laugh again.

Loads of people have been round. The people he sees all the time. His day to
day friends. That's cool. I don't feel that bad about finding out a week too
late. Friendship is like that - you don't have to keep in constant contact
to be a good friend. It's about being there when it counts. I turned off my
computer as soon as I got the email and left the house. Went straight to the
cafe. A man's got to eat. Then had a haircut. Then went to the HMS Belfast.
Told you I had a strange day. Then to St Catherine's Dock, talking to my ex
on my mobile. Then to the hospital. In the same square as The Italian
Hospital. Nice front. Then into the ward.

It's been a bit embarrassing really. The other day he had so many visitors
they went down to the coffee lounge on the ground floor. Then to the park
out front. Ended up in the pub. Like you always do with this lot. My friend
had a coca cola, everyone else had a proper drink, lager, wine, whatever, It
was like a big night out. They went for pizza afterwards. Must have been a
place not too far away. It was fun - crazy really when you think about it.
Eventually my friend had to go back to his hospital bed. Visiting hours were
over. Everyone else just carried on drinking.

And it occurs to me that this is a fine way to behave.

I don't know why I feel the need to write this other than to say what you
already know. Friendships are important. Friends doubly so.

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