Sinister: Love on the mash

Wed May 21 18:13:40 BST 2003

A bit late with the potato puns, perhaps, I actually thought of this last
week but couldn't think of anything more worthwhile to post about, and then
all of a sudden it was an overwhelming blitz of F!U!N! that had me each
night going "My!  This is the best night ever!".

Haha, apparently diary entry posts aren't welcomed here(???) so I thought
I'd fuck up the programme.

No really, this is almost as long as the bible, if you print this out this
can probably last you a very long pooing session.

THURS 15, May, 2003 - LONDON
=========================
A few pints after work with a friend from school was the ideal warm up for
the weekend of extravagant dancing and booze consumption.  The pub was by
the Train station and is decorated to a locomotives theme (do you see what
they've done there?).  Which was somewhat a fitting place to start the
adventure, and much fun was had at the said pub.

After bidding farewell it was time to go on an actual train, to the fair
Highbury & Islington for pubbing before going to a club called "How
does<censored>feel to be<censored>".  Before the pub though, I surprised
myself by eating a whole chicken and chips meal by myself, a feat never done
before (actually I HAVE had chicken feet before, oh you know what I meant).

And I must say "H<c>D<c>I<c>F" was fantastic as ever, and added bonus was
that they've replaced the pinball machine from Judge Dredd (which was
knackered), to 

THE WHO's PINBALL WIZARD PINBALL MACHINE!

Wow.

And then I danced for ages, and we had a Highgate PARTYBUS home and our
party was so great that some guy joined in on our conversation about The Sex
Pistols even though he didn't know who they were, top bloke!

FRI 16, May, 2003 - LONDON -> SANDBACH -> DUMFRIES -> GLASGOW
=======================================================
Friday morning woke up knowing that you don't have to go to work,
you took a day off even thinking about it would make you smirk.

So yes after waking up with a delightful hangover thinking "My!  That was
the best night ever!", I had to get ready for the big road trip to Glasgow!

The car journey
----------------------
Stevie T arrived just as I was hastily creating a Salmon and Cream Cheese
Bagel, when that finally was finish it was time for take-off.  It was a very
exciting journey up the motorway through the picturesque landscapes of Hamel
Hampsted, Milton Keynes and Birmingham, after a short break at a motorway
service station at "Sandbach" in Cheshire (which is apparently one of the
areas with the highest disposible income) we were flying through the lake
district - it was a shame that the normally breathtaking views of the great
hills were obscured by the blanket of rain.  I was ashamed to not knowing
the origins of most of the tracks on my own car tape.

And soon after coming off the M6, it was time to take an adventure into the
historical town of Dumfries, on the way there we saw a sign that apparently
points to "Camera Obscura", and true enough as we drove by there were the
members of the band waving to us, well it may have been nice if that had
happened.  Instead though we found a Lucy B who we had the pleasure of
chauffering up the A701, M74 and M8 and into Glasgow, and after half an hour
of getting very very lost I gave up and bought a Glasgow A-Z and found that
we were within walking distance to where we wanted to go.

The other bit
------------------
The hotel we stayed in was at the heart of the action, it was within walking
distances of everywhere including a wonderful Italian Restaurant that lets
you sit inside and chat without ordering any food, a "fast service" Fish and
Chips shop that sell Haggis Suppers

Digression: Did you know?  In a scottish chipshop a "supper" means "with
chips"!!!  That's the greatest thing ever.

Then it was time for the PUB, the Pewter Pot Pub is to be recommended and
not just for its alliteratory brilliance, as it is also THE BEST KARAOKE
VENUE EVER and they have a book with 9328932 songs listed on it.  There were
performances from Mark C, Pine F, Stevie T, Ken C and Richard G, with
Princess H, Linda K, Lucy B in audience.  Mark B and Michael G by going
early have missed out on an "Amazing, Bloody Great, Wonderful" session of
karaoke indeed (to quote Pine F).

And then it's the real thing, the Winchester Club!  After paying money to
Carey L, we were just in time to catch the later half of Language of
Flowers, who were excellent, and then it was Dudley Corporation's set, who
were Rawking as ever, on the wall you can see the inch-perfect blur that is
Joss M's drumming, and YEAH, later on there was DANCE FLOOR INVASION, too,
three times!  

\m/

and then there were DANCING, and saying "long-time-no-see" a lot, as I
haven't seen so many people there for a long time and it was wonderful to
see them again, as well as meeting people I didn't know!  A girl came up to
me to tell me that I didn't make her horny, which was nice, but then later I
sent another girl head over heels.

The club was the best place ever the drinks were cheap and also at the bar
there was a tray of glasses and a jug for Self-Serviced Water!!!  The
greatest idea in the world, ever.

And then about 2am it was a quick stumble to the hotel, apparently I had
B.O. Problem.

SAT 17, May, 2003 - GLASGOW -> GLASGOW -> GLASGOW
==============================================
I never thought I'd ever develop murderous thoughts against a
telecommunication device, but this morning when the alarm on the phone
(which I've set myself) went off at 8:30am I felt RAGE.  Things soon calmed
down after receiving breakfast.  Toast, I like toast.  I was determined not
to miss the Film of the Evening at the Hotel which was the enticingly titled
"Casimo".  However I was later persuaded that I should go and see a gig
instead.

Even after watching 2 hours of Delia teaching people how to tell a good egg
from bad ones there was still plenty of time to go before Picnic (which
looked less and less on as the weather deteriorated), we went off Crusin'...

Digression: If you put a bad egg in a glass of water it will float!  Because
air would get trapped inside an old egg.  And if you try and poach old eggs,
well, *chuckle* I won't even SAY what would happen.

... crusin' around glasgow is a blast!  Especially if you start it by going
the wrong way out of a cul-de-sac, and after a lot of traffic lights and two
bridges we arrived at the 13th Note Cafe, a place which I've had some fond
memories of, drinking coke and eating chips with the company of Lucy B, Paul
F, Stefano S and Rachel Q has never been so much fun.

Then it was time for more crusin', gettin' lost, and then walkin', gettin'
lost, and finding The Tap, which is also to be recommended and not just for
it's alliteratory brilliance.  When we arrived, the lounge area was filled
with 344 people whom I thought at first were all sinister types until i
realised that half of them were just weirdos who aren't on internet mailing
lists and were just there to watch the FA Cup final.  I will not mention
this FA Cup final further, because it pains me.

There were much frolics inside that pub, at one point I was caught looking
down a young lady's top, shame on me, and I had a nice serving of soup that
was made of excellent Brie.

And then it was time for juvenile fun of graffiting in the park and breaking
into studios and making ameteur Jackass videoes, all of which were fun fun
fun and then it was time for FOOTIE.

If someone told me that we were going to play footie maybe I would have worn
something more appropriate than Doc Marten's Boots.  Still it didn't stop me
making those perfectly timed passes to the opponents.  The final score Rest
of The World 5 - 3 England (I think).  Although if it was cricket then it
would have been a draw as rain stopped play and half the players were
injured by then anyway - you let twee fuckers do sports and that's what
happens.

The Gig
-----------
And after another visit to The Tap it was time for Going Gigging, which is
to be recommended and not just for its alliteratory brilliance.  After
briefly saying hi to Sweetie A it was time for Delgados!  They were
excellent, although I think they must be pretty stingy because people kept
saying they were tight.  They seemed quite generous to me, playing flawless
guitars and keyboards and cellos and stuff all for charity.

Mull Historical Society sounded excellent from the TV at the bar (this venue
is the BEST EVER, it shows you the gig inside the giggy bit through a TV at
the bar!), spoke to lots of people during then Including Sweetie A, Stu G,
Robin S, Kieran D etc. and there was some B&S STALKAGE going on, one lucy
winner got to have a photo taken with Stuart M!

Then came the best bit of the gig, Karen D!  Giving her best comedy
impressions or was it impressions of comedy, dunno.  Then B&S came on and
Stevie J told Karen D to Fuck The Shit, swearing sounds a lot nicer when
it's through a harmonica.  Then near the end of the song Stuart M came out
to thunderous applause before playing Dirty Dream #2 (I think).

They played so many tunes, mixture of old and new and it was excellent!  The
set was a little on the short side but then if you have to fit 3 gigs in one
night that's understandable, but they did come back for an ENCORE, Stuart M
did the best pun ever!

* Stuart M plays Amaj7, Emaj7(?), Amaj7, Emaj7
Stuart M: Oh man!  That's Beautiful isn't it?

* Ken thinks to himself "hahahaha, see what you did there"

Before finding the best chords to play Judy And The Dream of Horses with.
According to someone at the crowd it was A and D.

\m/

After the gig people had split camps to go to either The Art School or A
House Near The Art School, and then it was time to retire to the humble
hotel, which is to be recommended and not only because of its alliteratory
brilliance.  Sigh, missed out on "Casimo", of which I would have liked to
See More, But, it was nice to lie on the bed and watch the ceiling spinning
around.

My!  This is the best night ever

SUN 18, May, 2003 - GLASGOW -> GLASGOW -> DUMFRIES -> LONDON 
========================================================
Woke up at 9:15 thinking that I must have missed out on Breakfast (which is
an essential part of Bed n Breakfast - which is to be recommended, and not
only for its alliteratory brilliance), before I found that wahey on Sundays
breakfast is served til 10am.  So after Breakfast it was time for more TV
watchage and then goodbye sayage to Mark C, David M, Mrs David M, Sally M
and Paul F, who of course I won't see again for a long time.

Then it was more crusin', and finding that the 13th Note is shut on such
unearthly hours of the Sunday Morning, and finding a coffee shop that is 1/2
Coffee Shop, 1/2 Internet Cafe and 1/3 Bank!!!!  You do the maths.  It was
excellent and they have Irn Bru there (made of girders!)

And then it was photo takage and findage of funny volkswagen and then
drivage and then car parkage and grand prix watchage and parking ticket
findage and walkage and then pub findage and then eatage!  The Eatage part
was especially good, after getting the correct food, the tartar sauce was
excellent.  At the pub we learnt that geezers are actually pure gallas.

And then it was a fun car journey home.  After going through the curry
scented Dumfries, it was a rollercoaster ride thorugh the treacherous
weather along the M6, the clouds and the reflection of streetlights forming
two rainbows at the end of the road, it was quite disturbing to realise
later that the end of the rainbow is in fact Birmingham.

Later on the clouds behind us have cleared just as the sun was setting but
the clouds in front were dark and the storm is roaring, which made it very
strange that as I looked behind me it was bright and the sunset was
beautiful yet in front there is nothing but the funereal gloom that is the
road ahead.  Kind of summed up by feeling at that particular time when I
thought about the wonderful weekend I'd had in comparison with the week of
unpromising work.

And then it was Ken Home, and then sleep.  The best weekend ever.

MON 19, May, 2003 - London
======================
Monday morning (which isn't to be recommended despite its alliteratory
brilliance) wake up knowing that -- instead of going to have breakfast and
watching TV -- you have to go to work.

All that is left are memories, and photos.

------

So yeah that was my Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday and Monday, sorry it was
a bit on the long side.  (ed: that's what you always say to the girls...)

If Thursday was called Jursday and Friday was called Iriday, then if you
list all the days from Jursday to Monday the initials will spell JISSM.
Haha.

I hope for health sake you have actually finished your poo by now.
Ken

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