Sinister: YEAH!

[ian]

dear shimmery sinistereenies,

i've been thinking of you
and the things you do to me
that make me love you

and, quite frankly, now i'm living in ecstasy.

makes leaving the house rather difficult, i can tell you. and its a little
messy.

TITFUCKER

there has been much talk of the old sinister re-surfacing recently.  i don't
remember the ancient sinister.  i do remember the slightly elderly, mildly
geriatric sinister and all i can say is there isn't nearly enough mention of
bumsex to recreate that old atmosphere.  i suggest you resolve this
forthwith.

TITFUCKER

i also notice that headings are back in vogue.  sadly, i gave mine away to
help the aged.  god, if only i'd kept them.  could have marked them up, sold
them on.. or maybe i could just have pulled them out of the cupboard,
blissfully unaware that i'm far too old for such things these days.

TITFUCKER

so i'm using this heading.  just the one.  why over-do it?  its so
marvellously descriptive on its own.  and, like the buddha once said,
repetition rocks, brothas!

actually, repetition rock is a little place in the south of australia.
inhabited only by the ghosts of ancient sand dunes.  and even they're
looking for somwhere better.


TITFUCKA

so, its been a busy day.  i've been writing a letter of complaint to belinda
carlisle.
here it is, so far:

'dear belinda,

you are a lying bitch.
i believed all that crap you came out with.  i saw you as a wise seer-ess,
and i followed your gospel to the ends of the earth.  quite literally.
cost me a fortune in taxi fares.  and i can now, categorically, confirm that
heaven is NOT a place on earth.  or not somewhere that birmingham taxi
drivers have heard of, anyway.
you know what you can do with your metaphysical chicanery?  you can stick it
up your bum, and have bumsex, that's what you can do... you
you
you

TITFUNKAH

anyway, you can make recompesne for this grevious deception by sending me a
flurry of chorus boys, all tied up in red ribbon, and twenty grand.  and a
photo.  its for my aunty.  honest.  she's your biggest fan.'

i won't hold my breath, though.  i had to write to yazz several times before
i got her to admit that there was, indeed, a direction other than up.
perhaps its just the eighties coming back, as the estonian eurovision entry
so wisely opined.

personally, i hope the 80s (or, as i like to think of them, the dark, dark
days before i discovered bumsex) don't come back.  this new decade doesn't
know what it is yet.  it'll only get confused if we thrust an old identity
upon it.  the estonian singer seemed quite angst-ridden by the prospect as
well.  or perhaps it was because he'd looked in a mirror and witnessed what
he was about to wear to go on stage.

the best entry by far was, as always, the german entry.  they have clearly
been researching their target audience, and their song was a weighty,
philosophical exploration of the essential sadness at the heart of
modernity.  why?  they asked... why? does the girl in high heels look so
sad?
to which, as we all know, there is no satisfactory answer... except the one
they proposed... 'let's be happy, and let's be gay.'

well, why not?  its very sensible advice.

TITILOVEMYFUCK-CAR

ah, but they don't make eurovisions like they used to, do they?  remember
the old eurovisions?  remember the glory glory days of 'a bi ne be a bi ne
bo?' and 'la la la la?'

everything these days is merely a pale imitation.  even darkness is a bit
lighter than i remember it.  and the immense slackening void just doesn't
scare me any more.
not much.

speaking of imitiations, i was reading 'lions and shadows' by christopher
isherwood (its not his best...try 'a single man' instead, which is very
good, but anyway that's not the pont to this..) the other day and there's a
part in the story where christopher takes what he calls ink snapshots.  i
suppose if you're going to copy somebody, it may as well be our chris (as
they called him down the local working men's club) but i still felt a bit
disillusioned, as i thought it was the invention of stu david (as they call
him at 'manana's slap, sauna and steam emporium').  1956, this was.  anyone
who can find an earlier use of the ink polaroid wins a PRIZE.  oh yes.
fastest fingers first, now....

TITFUCKARMA

yeah, like the buddha once said, the more the world is changing the more it
stays the same.  and he's right.  i don't know why, even so, there's a
moment every now and then when the unexpected hits you between the eyes.
perhaps that's the surprise, you see.

everyone agrees that the past was rather a lot better than the present.  the
present would be okay, if only it would be a bit less like it is.  of
course, the past wasn't quite so good when it WAS the present.  oh no.
because then it wasn't the past.
what this says for the future can be summed up in a few short words.

yes its true
what they say-ay-ay
better the devil you know.



aint that the truth?  i think it was socrates that said that, yknow.

until another day, my dears, let's be happy and let's be friends.

and remember, its not the men in your life, its the cock up your jaxy.
oh no, that wasn't what i meant to say at all.

oh hang on, yes, it was.

xx
ian

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