Sinister: i've never felt so separate, and then there's you, but that's so obvious

[miss lou]

hello sinister.

i want to thank everyone, first off, for the lovely
well-wishing as far as the job hunt goes. you're all
terribly kind and good.

so, an update before i get to other matters:

i've had two interviews with the city newspaper in the
last week, and an additional scheduled time of
appearance to take a copy editing test. and apparently
i did well on the editing parts of said exam, but not
so well on the current events portion of said exam. in
my defense, the 'current events' were from two years
ago, and what with all the information i must cram
into my tiny (blonde) head, i apparently thought it
safe to forget gary condit's name. 

go figure.

i find out if i get the internship tomorrow or
tuesday. and if i don't, it'll be a nifty life selling
classifieds and typing obits. oh yes. and teaching a
creative writing class to elementary school kids.
we're going to write loverly things, i think.

***

last night, nebraska saw its first snow of the season.
and i did what i always do during the first snow. at
least what i have done for the last few years, which
seems like always (which maybe is how things go when
you do them on your own and feel all grown up).
anyway. i went outside in it and smoked.

and i thought of very many things out there on my
porch, looking at eleventh street and wishing it would
quiet down so i could enjoy the snow-quiet i generally
miss during the summer months.

and eventually it did, and i went inside to put on a
little nick drake. and then i went back outside and
watched the flakes for a little while longer, thinking
all the little bits under the streetlamps looked like
the gnats my roommate and i watched in the summer.
before she was pregnant. and before i was so lonely
and pining for various boys who don't live here. or
boys who are, in all practicality, irreversably fucked
up. 

but i still like the snowflakes more than the gnats. 

and i knew then that i wanted to kiss someone in the
snow. i never have before, you see. and it wasn't
meant to be a kiss to lead to love -- no. i just
wanted the cold and all the little damp specks on my
face and neck and fingertips to have a better meaning.

a more visceral one.

but.

i was alone.

***

i heard about the newspaper's weekend outing. and
apparently, in some drunken rage, the new opinion
editor told her husband to hit her. 

and he did.

i wonder if it was timed with the moment last night my
friend nolan said, rather appalingly, domestic abuse
would always be funny.

and i said no, it wouldn't.

when does everything start to reverse, really?


xo.lou. 

=====
www.somewhereinbetween.net

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