Sinister: Adrian Evans? Christ on a bike!

[Mark Casarotto]

Can Vanilla Flavid Davoured really never have heard
T-Rex? Hewitt Minor, go and lock yourself in a
cupboard with "I'm A Cuckoo" on repeate until the
spirit of Phil Lynott apparates in front of you and
sets fire to your bum.

"You Don't Send Me" is next on my list of
disappointments. It's got an irritating melody. "Roy
Walker" is taking his revenge on me by BEING IN MY
BLOODY HEAD ALL THE BLOODY TIME and, like the old
steering wheel down the pants, it's driving me nuts.
And "Stay Loose" is now reminding me of Dexy's. Fair?
You decide.

So, Sinister, I was wondering. Which TV game show
should I go on? It seems churlish not to make the most
of one of the few qualities I have, namely the ability
to get fist-pumpingly het up whenever I get a tricky
general knowledge question right. I practically
moonwalked when I identified the Corrs' "Talk on
Cor(r)ners" album sleeve the other day. Even on
Mastermind I got 13 (thirteen) of the general
knowledge questions right in one round. And I even
feel the need to boast about it? So give me your
suggestions, especially if you're serious and/or know
the producer of any of said quiz shows who'd have me.

"Russian Roulette" with the David Blaine it's okay to
like, Derren Brown, was on telly last night. It was a
good programme! And not all portentous and wanky like
some other illusionists I could mention. As for Mr
Blaine, he must have some severe problem with
flatulence as he looks as chubby as when he went in
his little box. Talking of flatulence, that's a
potential problem. I find my wind plays up no end when
I start digesting my own internal organs.

Finally, and most importantly, who here knows how to
set up a decent online petition? Because I want Stuart
Lee "Mad Dog" Murdoch to motherfuckin' KNOW that tha
kidz want to hear a re-worked version of Rhoda more
than anything, ever. Work with me on this, yo.

Miss Laura Llew, please forgive me.
Mark xxx



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