Sinister: I'm a little lost sheep. I need my bo peep

[Laura Llew]

Part I: The Gorey Garroting
"If Ben had turned down her proposal she would have garotted him with a 
nearly invisible strand of fishing line which she keeps hidden in her 
brassiere. Then, she'd dispose of the body in a brisk and efficient manner 
leaving enough time for an afternoon at the races."

The above was the comment my friend made after I showed him a picture of our 
sweetheart Rachel Fruitloop Apps looking smart in a corduroy jacket with a 
tie with a sharp short haircut. Oh yes, if you have never seen pictures of 
her, then you're probably ignorant to the fact that she can change in a 
blink of an eye. She goes from sweet innocent faced smiling angel who sends 
out lonely lasses sugar cookies on Valentine's Day to EMMA PEEL'S 
ARCHNEMESIS.

And who isn't a sucker for a girl who keeps fishing line in her bra to 
mangle boys with? You'd best listen to her when she calls you to arms in 
showering me with gifts (which it's never too late to do so). And, yes, I'm 
only bringing this to your attention because I care about your welfare and 
not for any reasons of personal selfishness. Though to be honest, I don't 
need as she already gave me by best birthday present this year (BY FAR). 
Plus, I had birthday candles which were little magarita glasses - like 
anything could top that!


Part II: The Catatonic Catapostrophes
You know, my dear sinisterines, just because the album is now available to 
be purchased everywhere and those who got promo copies or those who live 
where there was an earlier release date can no longer properly lord their 
experience with it over others doesn't mean the reviews have to stop. Look, 
there's still poor forlorn Kevin out there in Ottawa or wherever in the 
middle of no where he is still pining for a copy. Cheer up, you can always 
taunt him some more! C'mon, make the midwesterner cry!

Or at least whimper. He's not an actual Cubs fan so there's no reason to 
take too much out on him.

Oh, and this time when you do reviews be sure to tell us the important 
things this time. I've noted that NOT ONCE has anyone mentioned whether DCW 
has any masturbation references. We ALL know that's what was missing from 
and the real flaw of Fishyclap.


Part III: Minxalicious Meetups
Last time I posted, I believe I was in the midst of a heartbreak. Turns out 
the boy didn't reject me at all he was just "nervous." At least the 
faux-rejection was a reason to eat ice cream for breakfast for days on end. 
However, it's the last time I pick up a boy at a Belle & Sebastian show! 
>From now on, it's metallica fans all the way. Oh sure we might not have 
anything in common but I have enough socially neurotic awkward tendencies 
for three people. Though.. seeing as I'm going to both the Atlanta and 
Durham show (let's have a Sinister bbq!) I might make ammendments to this 
declaration. Ahem. Pre-show meetups anyone? I'll be there with my gay 
deceivers - who'd want to miss that?


Part IV: Heartwrenching Heartbreak
Goodbye Miss Maddie Minx. Goodbye my beloved list crush Ullastrator. You 
both are among my favorite girls ever and I already miss you too much as it 
is.


Part V: The Patronizing Parrot
Will Porter protested, "I think someone better fess up to not having passed 
it on, or Laura Llew might just throw the Sestina Weasel at you. I think 
it's a safe bet that nobody wants that."

I don't know - after Kevin Hyde boasted to having a buick between his legs I 
don't think it's safe to draw limits about what a boy will do these days 
just to get a girl's attention. I mean, do you know the trunk capacity of a 
buick?

My hokey.

xo,
Ll

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