Sinister: stop, look and listen

[robin stout]

I used to be scared of speaking in front of people. Then, when I was 
fourteen, I found myself elected class representative and had to attend 
meetings in the technology block with the other representitives and the head 
of year. We'd talk about stuff - skirt lengths, cigarettes, communal 
showers, all the sweaty pink obsessions of teenage playgrounds. Then came 
the meeting when I was to be secretary, and I was feeling a little nervous. 
I had a bit of a cold and I'd thought of staying at home, but I'd missed 
Doctor Who to write up notes the night before so I scuffed my toes up to the 
school gates. My agenda was spot on, and mostly centred on the lack of 
dustbins and lack of cherry coca-cola in the drinks machine. But I was dead 
nervous, and as I read it out, I trembled. I finished Item One with no 
problems. "Any questions?" I asked. But there was silence. As I looked up to 
our head of year, a territorial with a moustache to match, I could sense 
something was a little wrong. I sniffed. I sniffed a little harder. But the 
big bogey that had snuck out of my nose just hung there, bouncing a little. 
I shut my eyes, and for a moment the room completely disappeared. When I 
opened them, bogey still in mid-air, all my nerves had vanished. The looks 
of horror on the faces all around me seemed to have absorbed it. The head of 
year's moustache wilted. I carried on with Item Two, and no one said a 
thing.

I had another meeting today, ten years later. Things like that don't phase 
me anymore. Once you've hit rock bottom the only way is up. I think it was 
about something important, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was more 
interested in the sprinkling of Christmas jumpers my colleagues were 
wearing, and the crumbs in the chairman's moustache. Some things never 
change. Some people looked at their fingers, some at the ceiling, some at 
their shoes. Then a magpie flapped onto the windowsill outside and for a 
brief moment everyone looked in the same direction.

+++

Have you all been reading Stuart's Diary recently? It's pretty great. He's 
letting it all come out. It sort of makes me want to follow Jesus, but I 
wouldn't know where to go. I gave up on Jesus when I was seventeen and 
started following pop music. Perhaps that's where it all went wrong.

It's also good to read about someone who's given up the booze. I've given it 
up for one of my many New Year's Resolutions. Not that that's a major event, 
as I don't really drink much anyway. I'm only giving it up for a month, too. 
I'll be having different resolutions every month, and I'm going to be Zen 
about it: giving up the negative; taking up the positive. January: drink 
less alcohol; eat more spinach. February: don't watch telly; grow a beard. 
That's the idea.

If you haven't read his diary, you should have a look. If you're a fan of 
Rhoda, too (Casarotto take note), you might be in for a treat... I'm sure 
the Red Bull Dozers are already limbering up.

B+S are on the radio on Friday, as well. I'm sure banchory will send out an 
email about all of this, anyway, but just for the record have a look at: 
http://worldcafe.org/comingup.php .

hejdå,

Robin x

_________________________________________________________________
Express yourself with cool new emoticons http://www.msn.co.uk/specials/myemo

+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        +---+  Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list  +---+
     To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
     send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
     majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper           +-+
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+
 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
 +-+  "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000  +-+
 +-+  "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001   +-+
 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
 +-+               Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut!                +-+
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+