Sinister: Made out of plastic/with 1-2-3 prongs

[Eric Brasure]

Dear Sinister,

My, it's been a long time since I've read anything you've all had to say.
Someone theorized that everyone's so quiet these days because they're too
busy with their fancy blogs. I don't think that's the case, because blogs
haven't been novel since 2001. Everyone's just got older, moved to the
suburbs, and become dull. Since I'm breaking Cardinal Rule One of the list
(which of course is do not talk about the list on the list), I will stop
this talk.

I have not become boring; I always was. I also have moved out of the suburbs
and back to NYC, baby, so I don't know how true any of the above actually
is. Obviously I have no idea what's going on. Who am I? Why are there
ground-up pills in my mashed potatoes?

About NYC: another Sinister lad, GayJay, and I have set up house together.
He's going to grad school, I'm a bum (which isn't strictly true, as I am
looking for work). Doing the grocery shopping together and all that
nonsense. We may be getting a dog.

In closing, I would like to share something with you all. Someone once said
that he wrote all his best songs in 1995... and during the packing process,
I found a small stack of songs I had written in 1996. I would like to share
one or two of them with you now, to prove that while 1995 may have been a
great year for songwriting, 1996 was not.

"A Dollar Forty-nine"

A spoon or a fork?
It's my trusty spork

It's with me all of the time
You can get 'um at Chuck's Chicken Hut for a dime

One day walking home from school
I ran into a bully
He threatened to beat me down
With a pully

So I pulled out my spork and
Poked him in the eye
Then, I screamed and ran home 'cause I didn't want to die

A spoon or a fork?
It's my trusty spork

It's with me all of the time
You can get 'um at Chuck's Chicken Hut for a dime

A fork or a spoon?
It's my friendly foon

It's useful all of the time
Gonna eat cereal? or some ham? that's fine ('cause it can do both)

Made out of plastic
With 1-2-3 prongs
It's an all-purpose piece of equipment
That can do me no wrong

It can take down a robber
Or a tough piece of meat
'Cause with that foon, man
You can do anything real sweet

A fork or a spoon?
It's my friendly foon

It's useful all of the time
Gonna eat cereal? or some ham? that's fine ('cause it can do both)

Do you call it a spork or a foon?
Come on, you'd better decide soon

The above, of course, is understood to be copywrited and held as my
intellectual property. So don't go stealin' it.
I can't bear to type out another one right now, but if there is great public
outcry, I may be compelled to share more.

Love,
Eric

PS My worst injury occured in 1993 (or thereabouts) when I sprained my ankle
walking my grandfather outside. My parents' house used to have these flat
hunks of slate as a walkway, my foot slipped, and pain ensued. I was never a
very athletic type.

PPS Cheer up song? Why, it has to be "Sugar, Sugar" by the Archies. Best
fake band ever.





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