Sinister: meditation on lurkerdom

[Ethan Gold]

Hello Dear Strangers,

Because I am now an outer extrovert but an inner introvert I have been a
lurker for years other than I think 3 posts.  I chimed in for musical
thoughts and then fled again into the wilderness.  I always understood the
lonely grey joy of early B&S and the like, but the social part of this mass
group thing still baffles me...  And anyway it is here, reading these posts,
that I preserve my inner gawky self while I have outwardly adjusted to life
in a megalopolis.*  I can still come home and be a wallflower on my own
computer screen, when in real life I have to be a quite a bit more
aggressive.  

I suspect there are others like me?

But Sinister, is there a there there?

For some reason Marisa's (another stranger to me) email jostled me out of my
computer haze and got me to post again...  Why?  The subjects:

-Ken whom I've never met feels like the Justin Timberlake (or choose your
flavor) of Sinister.  He's always on the cover of the tabloids in the
Sinister checkout line.  A nexus?  I met another sinisterette a while back
(hi KK!) who said that she met him somewhere, somehow and felt like she'd
met a celebrity.  I could tell by her blush that she meant it.  The guy has
amazing zest and I bless him though he appears to live in an untouchable
magic world called Sinisterland, or Scotland, or something.  I find the role
of "Ken" in my life as a lurker interesting and bizarre, but definitely not
bad.  I trust... in real life... he is a real person!

-I really really wanna finish an album of my own.  And Marisa's joy at the
idea of a band of dear ones that will 'rise to the top of the land' is
bittersweet for me, for if I'd made myself more known to this collective of
loners for all these years, I'd have the friends in reality that I have only
in 'fantasy', a fantasy that usually exists only in post-drinking,
email-checking, Sinister-folder perusing stupor.  But as Morrissey would
tell us, shyness is nice....  I am trying to dig up those last weeds of
shyness so I can just put them in a scrapbook, with the title: For Rainy
Days Only.

-I still like Canada, and the Scotland I've never seen.

So there it is.

I guess my real question is: do you guys all know each other?

-Ethan








*(I live in a place called Los Angeles - Koreatown)**
**(I like asterisks)






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