Sinister: The Elusive Nature of Ageing

[Krister Bladh]

Dear Sinister,
For a long time now I’ve wondered just how it comes to pass that one grey morning you’ll wake up and suddenly you’re all growed up. I never could and still can’t picture myself as some middle-aged old guy. They just seem so indifferent about everything. Like they don’t FEEL or CARE about things. Like they’ve given up and just let the days come and go, slipping through their fingers. I can’t see myself alive after thirty, especially if things carry on as they are now. But maybe now I’ve found that it’s possible I could turn into such a person. I’ve found the missing link. Studying at a university you obviously encounter quite a lot of people, perhaps one too many. Today on the train I overheard some guys talking, when it suddenly struck me. They were just sitting there, all apathetic, maybe a bit down cause of the weather. But the things they were talking about! Work and essays and exams and how this other guy failed his last exam or how another guy had to nail his next to pa!
 ss the course, or whatever. Despite the occasional half-hearted smile they really didn’t seem to care one way or the other. You see, this is the kind of thing you turn to when you don’t have anything to talk about. You don’t because you don’t really know each other. Recently I’ve done pretty much the same thing myself. I’ve met many people, but you just talk and smile at each other. You’ll consider it being friends, and some people I really, really enjoy the company of. But there seems to be this invisible line that is very hard to cross. It’s hard to get to know the person beneath the surface, and surfaces are always kind of the same. Perhaps this is why relationships with other people seem so much smother now than they were when you were younger and in school. You won’t get hurt anymore, but simultaneously the really close friends don’t grow on trees. People feel and think so much when they’re young. I mean, I could sit on bus for an hour just pondering my life, without a!
  care for all the time wasted on doing nothing. But nowadays I f!
ind mys
tting my thoughts show. And then after twenty years or so more, you’ve gotten so used to it you just put your mind on standby. That’s when you’re as good as dead, I spose. Well, that’s enough of me ranting on about the same thing.
Btw, don’t you find it strange that nowadays Struan’s so ‘busy’ he doesn’t even have time to talk to people like you or me? How busy can you be when you don’t have to get up at 6 am to go to work?

love, 
Chris xx
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