Sinister: She Made Him Forget His Dreams

[Krister Bladh]

Sebastian had been dreaming again. Lisa was not the Belle he had been looking for. And in the end she had lost patience. Falling in love with imaginary people does have a tendency to make friendships turn sour. Half a year of hardly speaking a word, treading awkwardly around each other. That was how long it took. But now they are friends again. Conversing in a more relaxed manner than ever. Maybe it had all just been a bad dream. 

When Sebastian woke up the sun was in his eyes. It was summer. A time to ponder why windows have blinds and streets are paved with stone. Sebastian always greets the summer with anxious anticipation. It is a time when life weighs easy on his shoulders. Still, at its end he is always in worse despair than ever. With plans left hanging, dreams left unfulfilled, and girls left unmet. What Sebastian didn’t know, was that this summer would be different. It was to be the summer he had always been waiting for. 

Suddenly he had friends to see, things to do, salt water to leave flakes on his skin as the sun made it evaporate. He went to see a band with four boys in their corduroys. There a girl had taken his hand. A herald of change if there ever was one.  It was clear it meant nothing to the girl, but it gave Sebastian a boost of self-confidence. What’s more, he now knew who the real Belle of the town was. He remembers clearly the first time he saw her. Two years ago, a brief glance. As if she had stepped out of the cover of his favourite record. Then she had seemed to turn up every now and then. Turn up to make the tears well in his eyes. Sebastian couldn’t have dreamed they would ever share a word. And now he found himself in the same city as her. Their paths crossed by accident. Belle was in a band, called The Budgies. Sebastian knew the boy with the drumsticks. So he went to see The Budgies play, if only to hear Belle’s voice. It felt warm and soothing as it lingered in his ears. These days Belle will stop and talk to Sebastian if she sees him in the street.

But Sebastian would find love in someone he never knew. Their eyes met across a sunny lawn at a cancelled TVP’s concert. As dusk came, nothing more had happened. Sebastian stood troubled with his hands on the handlebars of his bicycle. He said to himself: “Sebastian, if you go home now you know the thought of her will keep you awake all night.” If this had been a year ago, he would have straddled his bicycle and been a very tired boy the next day. But tonight was different. He recalled the feeling of a hand in his. It put a new meaning into Having Nothing to Loose. So he walked back, keeping his distance. Minutes passed as he gave her glance. Sebastian’s heart tought he was short distance runner. His body was aching. Then suddenly he was walking towards her. Let’s not speculate about what he asked her. After all, he had never done this kind of thing before and his incompetence is excused. Anyway, the girl must’ve thought his question rather cute as she asked him to sit down and talk to her. Sebastian left with dreamy eyes and a piece of paper in his hand. It had a name scribbled on it as well as a series of numbers.

Soon as Sebastian started coming to his senses again he learned that the numbers proved more useful if dialed on a phone. He started doing so often and this resulted in many a rendezvous. And the first kiss. And the first mixtape. One day they spent on a blanket by the beach, listening to a song Sebastian had written long ago. A song about that very moment. It was every bit as perfect as he had imagined it. What more could he ever ask for now that he had held her in his arms? It’s funny. Sebastian had always cursed his sorry fortune. Being no one and having nothing. But everything he had now was of his own making. He didn’t know how he’d done it, but he was glad he had. Taking matters in one’s own hands will always open doors for a boy.





love
chris

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