dear sinister,

the sky's dimming rapidly now, colouring the overcast clouds with a magic purple.
the birds outside outside the window are chittering away to themselves,
in the normal way they do.  
but it's scary.
you can watch for any fixed period of time, but you will never spot one bird.
taking a walk outside, you can hear them all around you,
hiding,
chirping,
mocking,
making you feel insecure & want to just curl up on the turf and cry.

which is something i have wanted to do an awful lot lately.
sometimes the smallest things can kick you,
knocking your already fragile self-esteem out of you.
it could only be a tiny comment,
but if it's something you've worked long
and hard over, just for the smallest output,
it sets you back so much
you wonder what's the point

3 weeks until the manics in glasgow.
i listened to them on the radio, playing their first uk gig in ages.
the new songs are good,
but they're not inspiring.
they don't make you want to form a band again
having 4 boys in the same room
playing
out of time & out of tune, admittedly
but after listening to you love us 
and playing it again ourselves
with our star jumps
& scissor kicks
we thought we were world beaters

but it doesn't happen anymore
when you're just staying in your bedroom
lying on your bed
dwelling in your self-loathing
of how crap & unsociable you are
but then again,
living where there isn't anyone your age for 6 miles
doesn't help much

either does listening to a recording of last stop: this town,
from later with jools holland.
one of the most touching songs,
matched with one of the most beautiful videos,
i can't remember not getting goosebumps from it.

take care m'ducks

johnjohn
   x

*hugs to  sleeka*





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