DISCLAIMER: this is not about religion, just hard to avoid a story that is in a certain book, the general gist of which is another matter entirely. "...Jonathan became one in spirit with David and he loved him as himself." is about as smutty as the bible gets. Apart from Songs of Solomon, the 'Lady Chatterley's Lover of the Old Testament'. Anyway, even today there are heated arguments between biblical fundamentalists & liberals, etc etc. says Rob Butler I found myself on the train this morning reading the Bible and taking notes, which is something I, erm, don't normally do. For those of you unfamiliar with the story (as I was), God has decided that King Saul of the Israelites has an attitude problem and goes about finding a new model. This wee shepherd from Bethlehem (sounding pre-emptive, huh? the Bible's good at the prequels) plays a mean lyre, and charms his way into the King's chambers, and being fraternal or however with Jonathan, King Saul's son. Anyways, the wee kid also has a way with a slingshot and after the Philistine (an enemy of the Israelites) Goliath is dispatched Dave's reputation begins to outshine the increasingly jealous king. David fears for his life, and plans to take an extended vacation over the feast of the New Moon (why don't we have those hols any more?) to test the water vis-a-vis King Saul's attitude issue. Being buddies with our Jonathan, he confides in him and they arrange some weird codes involving arrow-shooting whilst David hides behind a rock in a field. The idea is, once Jonathan has presented David's excuses to his dad when David doesn't turn up for tea, he'll get the measure of how pissed off the old man is with David. Turns out he is, so Jonathan fires an arrow, tells his boy-servant (all these wee boys!) to go fetch it then when he's at it yells loudly that it's still beyond him. This is the cue for David to scarper. The plan B was for Jonathan to fire three arrows and, on sending his wee fella to go get them, he'd a yelled 'they're lying beside you!'. Quite what the young servant is supposed to make of these bizzare instructions is anyone's guess, but I suppose it's code for : the single arrow that goes beyond is David's direction in life and, if it were three arrows beside, well, that's Jonathan, David and dad King Saul a happy unit again. What's cool about Biblical plotting is that both scenarios ultimately occur. When Dave's the big man in charge, he gets news of the deaths of Saul and his sons, inclvding (sorry, gone latin there in my typing-haste) our Jonathan. Curiously, the former who bode him ill and the latter who done good by him get equal treatment, when David writes a wee song in honour of their memory, with much use of a lyric to the effect of 'How the mighty have fallen.' Now I know it's not God alone who knows the lyrics to Belle and Sebastian's version, or take or what, but it won't be long now till we can all find out. You can see, by the way, I'm no Biblical scholar and forgive my irreverent tone if you're a fan of thee olde piety, but I'm human, all too human :) Gordon P.S. That utilitarianism thing is plain daft like: is getting drunk good or evil? Is is good cos it makes me happy; evil cos it gives me a hangover? Evil cos it's a general annoyance, or good cos it pricks a few ballons? Or baloons, if you speak English... Perhaps I should quit whilst I'm behind, and you can't see me... +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+