so i listened to tigermilk proper for the first time last night as i was trying to go to sleep. i was hoping it would take me far away to a lovely fantasy land where i had no problems. i had lost it by 'she's losing it' and was silently crying into my pillow so i wouldn't wake up my friend sleeping next to me. why can't i have an artgirl or a crush on a waitress i don't know? why do i have to be deeply in love with a girl who can't be with me? can you teach someone that they're capable of loving or do they have to figure it out on their own? i know she's got the love in her, but she won't admit to herself or anyone else. i'm willing to try anything to shake it out of her. i just want to be allowed to love her and take care of her for the rest of our lives-to sit on the porch with my cats and her dog and the bunnies we talked about getting together. there were posts a while ago about dreaming that you were in love, but they were far from real as i noticed there wasn't much hurt in them. *sigh* oh, i just found the post by alisdair about his dream. that feeling in the pit of your stomach doesn't go away easily and it's even worse when accompanied by a heart that aches from being smashed into a million pieces. maybe a picture of genevieve's heaving prom bosoms would cheer me up... sorry for all the sulking. i did love tigermilk though, of course. i think iyfs is still my favorite, but tigermilk could take it's place very soon. it won't get proper stereo play until i get over the beauty of the new marine research album though. i'm head over heels for it and i keep picturing amelia dancing with her recorder and cathy looking stunning behind her keyboard. that cathy is quite a picture. i'm hoping that she and isobel can play nicely together and not fight for my dreams. isobel happens to pop up quite often, usually in a supporting role, but she blows me kisses a lot as i pass by her. i had all these things i've been wanting to post about and i can't remember them. thank you to all of you who sent me birthday wishes and offers of gifts. i promise i will write back to you soon. i dreamt that i ran into the duke last night at the sanrio store in san fransisco. he was wearing a gold cardboard crown. that's how i recognized him as the duke. i'm worried about honey. i heard that he's ill. is he ok? oh, another way this list is taking over my daily life...i keep thinking that i'm reading paula cullen booze explosion on everything. my mind is playing tricks. cocktail hour is starting so i'll go now. sorry that this post is lacking so much, but i had to tell someone about my heart. hope all of you are well. *alyssa marie* +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+