From personal experience, i know what it is to be shy, but i believe i found

(spoonerisms never seem to fail) Annie haps, i thought i would add the nose of my muse to the 'shyness' debate that seems to have peered it's curious orange (curse you god for making me this way) head above the edge of the fruit bowl again. the reason, and solution to this (at least for me) about two years ago. Having begun life as the school bully, I ended up being the bullied in high school and sort of crawled into my 'please like me- i am nice really ' shell. I think the main cause of shyness is caring too much about what other people think of you, not wanting to offend, say something out of turn or be thought of as boring or weird. Naturally everyone wants people to 'like' them, or think them a worthy addition to their circle, in the company of strangers, or even friends, it can be all to terrryfying to say something that could jeapordise the arc of friendship. Yet in saying nothing it all it becomes difficult for people to get to know you at all. Being shy, lots of people may respect you or think highly of you, but you can lack the closeness or feelings of acceptance other people seem to spin in their sleep, whether actual or gloved empiness. I decided that I had had enough of caring what others thought. If caring so much made me unhappy, then it must surely be 'wrong' or at least not ideal. I have since said things i wanted to say as and when i choose, and vow not to be so pandering to those i want to like me, if they dont want me 'flunk them' . Live for myself, but try not to step on too many toes. While i have realised it has made me a little more arrogant, and maybe a less nice person than i used to be, i have become much more confident, happier, and wouldnt give a rolling fluffy shih-tzu about looking someone in the eye and telling them i dreamed they were a bicycle bell. Sure people may think your weird, but the sorts of people who you are most suited to find you a lot easier, and thats when the friendships fall into place, the second you stop worrying and have faith in yourself. Of course it doesnt help you think of things to say to people, especially strangers, and i can still struggle with that, but i feel less pressure to say anything than i used to, and i like to think that in doing this i rid the world of a few more strands of peppered small talk. i think people generally fancy or aspire to those who appear stronger than them, someone who can help grow them in certain ways (mind-gutter be gone) or attain a strengthening from the bond, someone who can make us 'better' or at least feel improved on as a result of the association. If this is the case though, we would all be looking for people with their sights set higher than us, its just a case of finding the aspects we aspire to in someone, and having something inside us to offer them they lack. I really admire people like Mr Rob Callendar, who can see exactly who they are and where they are from, put themselves in context and get on with enjoying their lives. It takes time for all of us to work out who we are, what we want and where we fit it, but I promise, you'll get there in the end.. I'm going to fly away now before you start throwing 'pretentious wanker' pebbles at me, but my wings dont bruise that much any more. Magpie Jay- up, up and away P.eaS: Dr Pepper tastes of marzipan and makes makes my tongue furry, but at least it doesnt go lime coloured like that icky Mountain dew used to induce. :OF- - http://www.members.tripod.com/john_kerswell/star.html If you really think it will make your life far richer you can..... ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+