hello sinster. miss lou is here again, because of the strange human attraction to write about tragedy. yesterday, i got three phone calls in thirty minutes, all telling me the boy was dead. and the rumors were started: in chicago, in omaha, with his car, with a gun. it didn't matter. he was dead. he and i hadn't talked for two years, not since we had a falling out. but. there was a photograph on my shelf, when i finally got home at two a.m. a photograph of him and me at my senior prom. i wore a black feather boa, and the cheap dye turned my skin a dirty gray, and that night we laughed about how i looked dead. he took me to a restaurant called the destiny cafe; it's closed now. he brought me a long-stemmed red rose -- he put it on the seat of the car, so when we left my house to get in the car, i almost sat on the long stem of thorns. it was the first flower a boy had ever given me. everything is disjointed today, and i hadn't cried until five minutes ago. my journalism professor came over to me, and told me to write. write when you're ready to, he said, and he gave me a hug and a piece of minty gum. the photograph is in my handbag. my handbag is here, next to my feet. there is a bracelet. a slap bracelet. red with gold thread, flowers, chinese dragons. very cheesy. it is on my wrist now, and i wonder where the matching one the boy had is at, whether or not he kept it. i wonder who will be at the funeral tomorrow, and i am sad that i will find out. i wonder why the kids i know will be there didn't notice, didn't see, and why i gave up and left and didn't stay so i could save him. and then i remember that fate doesn't negotiate. today, the test i have to take in a half hour and the gossip about me and the shit from the last few days pales in comparison to this obtrusive death. part of my life has an end, now, and i didn't ask for it or bring it about. there are things i'd like to say. about life and death and rumors and love and loss and people here. but. i won't. i think i am successfully lost and floundering again, back in that misty spot. and so i do what everyone always knew i would do. lindsey ______________________________________________________________________________ Send a friend your Buddy Card and stay in contact always with Excite Messenger http://messenger.excite.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+