See? See? I knew the people on the list had good intentions! things just get all muddled up in virtual land. I really don't think anyone involved in this had any bad intentions, from nick to paul to ailsa, people just have their moments of misunderstanding. so don't feel bad, ailsa. you made me feel better with your apology. I don't know what people should do to make everyone feel better, but I think Nick helped a lot by telling us his side. anyway, it's friday and it's beautiful out. and it's time to leave work! hurrah! Cynthia

From: ar981611@student.paisley.ac.uk (Ailsa Ross) To: Cynthia Someone <csomeone@hotmail.com> CC: sinister@Majordomo.net Subject: An apology Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 21:05:26 +0100

OK, I have obviously not given my last post the due care and attention it deserved, and as a result have been misconstrued somewhat. It's just difficult to think rationally when something I care about as much as this list is erupting all around me :)

Cynthia Someone wrote:

...

I feel I must speak, because obviously I have been misheard in some respects. Ailsa suggests that I am criticizing Honey's efforts and that for some reason the length of time I have been on the list (9 months) has something to do with my ideas...

Cynthia, this absolutely could not be further from the truth. The only reason I made the point about how long you had been on the list was to give myself a reference point before mentioning the rules. I wanted to know whether you knew about the switch to the nursery system, and also would have felt a touch foolish had I said "and the rules have always been the same on the list" if you had been here since long time before me and they all got changed before I came along sticking my nose in. It was perhaps badly worded and I apologise. I try so bloody hard to be fair and inoffensive and courteous, dirty words in some people's books I know, but hell, it's just the way I am. Or at least try to be. And I have stuck up for new people and old people on this list, and try to be as non-judgmental as possible. I'm sorry you see me as so petty that I would draw distinctions between people based on how long they have been here for. I'm not, honest :)

...

people are choosing sides. Why choose sides?

I don't see it as choosing sides. I see it as backing Sinister. See, it's Honey's list to do with as he pleases. If he turned it into a crypto-fascist state tomorrow, I'd unsubscribe. I might be tempted to try and start my own list. I would not try and change his mind, it would soon be changed when 1100 people disappeared off to the alternative fan resources on the web, or created their own. But ultimately this is Paul's list to do with as he pleases. He's doing this, as I keep saying, for fun and for us. It must be bloody difficult to find the motivation to go on when it all gets like this. He alone says what goes, OK, there are a few of us (I hold my hands up to this) who come along and do some prodding on his behalf, but it is a mammoth task for one man and all I have ever tried to do is stand up for him and his list.

Actually, backing Sinister is choosing a side isn't it? I do apologise, but it's hard to be coherent and logical when all you can see is a red mist descending.

...

as for my suggestions as to advice or group agreed rules, Ailsa is right, it would be too much effort. I was just trying to help. I felt that if there is discontent as to how the list was run, there should be some way to solve the problem. I mean, hey, if there are a lot of discontented people, and discontented for good reason, than maybe they should be heard.

In hindsight, I wish I had taken out that bit about getting my inbox clogged up with rule suggestions. Not because I know think it's a good idea, but because I don't feel I have any right to tell Honey how to run his list, and neither does anyone else. That is not to say I am right obviously, and perhaps if you all write to Honey and tell him how you feel about things he will do something about it. That is, after all, what he's there for :)

Big hurrahs to Nick Dastoor for being the second SOS-er out of the closet. I know three people know involved in this (one has written to me privately, but public outing of this person is at their discretion not mine), and so far if I *had* to have an elected body to run this thing, all three of them would be on it. But it was all working so well before the shit got thrown at the fan, why the hell is this making such a difference? Can anyone honestly say that had these allegations not been made public that they were desperately unhappy with the way Paul is running this list?

To anyone else I may have been causing offence to, I'm really really sorry. I am not one of Paul's little gang of friends, I have met him twice and have probably spoken to him for about five minutes in my life. I am just a fan of this list and I want to stand up for it and it so happens that the way I see it is that means I have to stick up for Paul too. I am all of these things I tried to stand up for earlier in the week, nice, courteous, tolerant, polite, well I try to be wherever possible. So if I upset anyone else with my poorly phrased thoughts, I'm sorry :) It sounded nice and rational and non-controversial in my head, I swear :)

That's more than enough from me now, and once more, apologies to Cynthia. I'm going for a lie down, people who wrote to me, you'll just have to wait until later I'm afraid. But thanks :)

Ailsa xx

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